


An Unconventional Knight in Shining Armor

by NaginiPotter



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: Anders Needs a Hug, Bottom Anders, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Top Fenris
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2018-11-05 10:44:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 33,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11011839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NaginiPotter/pseuds/NaginiPotter
Summary: After a long day killing slavers on the Wounded Coast, the last thing Fenris wanted to do was visit the abomination for healing. But when Hawke insists, it's in one's best interest to comply. The scene he discovers in Anders' clinic would haunt his dreams and he's forced to evaluate everything he though he knew about the mage.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It's been quite a while since I've written fanfiction, but I just couldn't get this pairing out of my head recently.

It was a day like any other for Fenris. He spent most of the day hunting down slavers with Hawke, Varric, and Merrill until the four of them were exhausted. Lightly wounded, they trudged back to Kirkwall not making it back until well past sundown. Hawke and Fenris said goodbye to their friends and made their way to Hightown.

  
When they got to Hawke’s estate, he turned and gave Fenris’ wounded arm an appraising look.

  
“You better go see Anders about that, it looks like infection will set in soon and I know you’re awful at seeing to your own wounds.”

  
“I’m fine, Hawk.” Fenris snapped, “I do not need the mage’s help!”

  
Hawke’s eyes hardened and said in a tone of voice that left no room for argument, “Go to his clinic. I won’t have you keel over because of your prejudice against mages.”

With that, Hawke walked into his house and closed the door, leaving Fenris stewing on his doorstep.

  
Fenris growled and quickly made his way to Darktown, cursing Hawke for being right. As he neared closer to the clinic, Fenris found himself hoping that to find the mage asleep so he could simply go home. It certainly seemed like he got his wish when he found the clinic door closed. Sighing in relief, Fenris turned to leave when he heard noises coming from inside. Fenris stepped closer to the door and he heard men speaking.

  
“You will know your place, mage!” A man growled.

  
Fenris heard what sounded like a slap and them a whimper of pain.

  
A man moaned and said “So much more satisfying when they’re not tranquil, that’s almost like fucking a corpse.”

  
Fenris’ eyes widened and he heard another pained noise and the unmistakable voice of Anders saying “Stop, please”. Not wanting to waste any more time assessing the situation, he broke down the door.

  
The sight before him would haunt his dreams. Anders was bent over a small work table and tied down surrounded by 3 Templars, one of them thrusting in to him from behind and another was using his mouth. He was completely naked and crying, his skin a mess of bruises and blood.

  
Before the Templars could react, Fenris pulled out his sword and growled, “You will unhand him. Now.”

  
“Get out of here elf, this is Templar business.” Said the Templar in Anders’ ass, the disgusting tone of superiority making Fenris feel even more murderous.

  
Fenris was practically shaking with rage at this point and said venomously, “Unhand him and your hearts will remain in your chests.”

  
The Templar behind Anders smirked and pulled out of him roughly causing a muffled gasp of pain to escape Anders. The one in Anders’ mouth copied his movements and as soon as they reached for their swords, Fenris sprang into action. The Templars were unprepared for a warrior like Fenris, who in a matter of minutes was able to deliver on his promise of ripping their hearts out.

  
Once the Templars were dead, Fenris dropped his sword and ran over to Anders. He noticed with alarm that the mage’s eyes were wide, pupils dilated and he seemed to be staring ahead unseeing.

  
“Mage” Anders let out a scared whimper at being addressed as such so Fenris quickly changed tactics.

  
“Anders, I’m going to untie you now and then I will take you somewhere safe.” Fenris tried to keep his voice calm and speak slowly as he untied the trembling mage, “I’ll ask Varric to deal with this mess, just keep your breathing steady.”

  
Once Anders’ limbs were freed from the rope, he started sliding off the table.

  
Fenris quickly grabbed him causing Anders to tense and pulled him upright, swearing “Kaffas, Anders!”

  
Anders froze for a moment then said shakily, “Thank you Fenris”, his voice horse.

  
Fenris blinked in surprise, but quickly moved on asking “Can you stand on your own?”

  
Anders shook his head, eyes still widened giving him the look of a caged animal.

  
“Alright, do you have spare robes around here?”

  
“Yes”, Anders said in a small voice, pointing out a small room off to the side of the clinic.

  
Fenris led Anders to the room and then to the shabby wardrobe next to a lumpy mattress and handed the mage the first robes he saw.

  
Once Anders was dressed, Fenris wrapped an arm around the mage's waist to support his weight and asked, “Do you require anything here to treat your wounds?”

  
Anders shook his head, “My magic will be back in a few hours”

  
“Hours?” Fenris asked with raised eyebrows. A Templar mana drain doesn’t usually last that long.

  
“They, they gave me magebane.” Anders stuttered, tears falling once again.

  
Fenris tightened his grip on the mage’s waist and slowly began to lead Anders' out of his clinic.

  
It concerned him that Anders didn’t even ask Fenris where he was being taken, just gripped Fenris as tightly as he could and allowed himself to be led. Now that Anders was out of immediate danger, Fenris started to assess the situation. He always just assumed that Anders was exaggerating when he spoke of the injustices the Tempars committed against mages, but now that Fenris has seen the injustice with his own eyes he uncomfortably realized that he may have been wrong. Despite being a mage and an abomination, Fenris could not help but suddenly feel very protective over Anders after what he witnessed.

  
The pair slowly made their way to Hightown, taking as many back alleys and side streets as possible in hopes that Anders’ obviously hurt form would draw little attention. Anders didn’t say a word during the journey and Fenris was simply glad he was able to walk the entire way though Fenris was holding most of his weight. When they stopped in front of Fenris’ mansion, Anders looked confused but did not question him when they entered and Fenris closed the door behind them.

  
Once they were safely inside, Fenris started to lead Anders to the stairs.

  
“Mage-“ Anders flinched and Fenris almost swore at his slip up. “Anders, can you handle more stairs?”

  
Anders hesitated, obviously wanting to say yes but not sure.

  
Fenris, expecting that answer, asked, “May I carry you?”

Anders looked at him with wide eyes, almost not believing what he just heard and responded “Yes.”

  
“Tell me if I cause any more discomfort.” Was all Fenris said before hooking his free arm behind Anders’ knees and lifting him, scooting the arm around the mage’s waist a little higher for support.

  
Anders looping his arms around Fenris’ neck and pressed as close as he could to the elf as they made their way up the stairs and into Fenris’ room.

  
When they arrived, Fenris brought Anders to his bed a carefully laid him down.

  
“Are you sure none of your wounds need to be treated now?” Fenris asked, pulling the blankets over Anders.

  
Anders could barely keep his eyes open at this point, but softly said “I’m sure.”

  
“Go to sleep Anders, I need to speak with Varric but I will not be gone long.” Fenris said, making a quiet retreat from the room.  
Just as we was closing the door, he heard a soft “Thank you” from the mage in his bed.

  
Once he was out of Anders’ sight, Fenris let all the rage and anger he felt show. He wished he could have drawn out the Templars’ deaths, making them suffer as they made Anders suffer.

  
He quickly made his way to the Hanged Man, hoping that Varric was still awake and had someone who could deal with the corpses before dawn.  
Fenris had some luck with him at least, for upon opening the doors to the pub he was graced with the sight of Varric sitting alone at a table and slowing working on a drink.  
“Broody, what are you doing here at this time of night?” Varric greeted amicably, “Shall I order you a drink?”

  
“We need to speak in private.” Fenris hoped his tone would not betray his feelings to the other patrons. However, by the look on Varric’s face, Fenris was not entirely successful in that regard.

  
“Sure thing.” Varric quickly finishes his drink and leads Fenris back to his room.

  
Once he closes the door, Varric asks “Okay Broody, what’s all this about?”

  
“I need three corpses disposed of. Discreetly.”

  
Varric’s eyebrows shoot up nearly to his hairline “Can I assume they’re slavers?”

  
“Templars.” Fenris spits with the same amount of venom he uses to when he speaks of Danarius.

  
Varric looked even more surprised. “Okay, I have to ask, what did Templars do to make you go all glowey?”

  
Fenris clenched his jaw and said, tersely “The bodies are in the mage’s clinic, is that explanation enough?”

  
Varric narrowed his eyes but relented “I’ll get someone on it. I hope those bastards suffered.”

  
Fenris’ eyes hardened further and his expression became even more murderous as he spat, “Not as much as they deserved”

  
“I assume Anders is not at the clinic after all that?”

  
“He’s staying with me.” Fenris said fiercely with a tinge of possessiveness, “With any luck he’s sleeping.”

  
Varric was most visibly shocked by this, but he didn’t comment beyond “I’ll handle it, you should probably get back to Blondie.”

  
Fenris nodded, and was about to leave before remembering “My sword is there too if your ‘someone’ could retrieve it.”

  
“You have quite the story to tell me tomorrow Broody.” Varric said as Fenris rushed out the door.

  
He made the trip from the Hanged Man to his residence in record time. The mansion was silent besides the occasional crack from the smoldering logs in the fireplace. Fenris finally allowed himself to think upon the events of the evening. Anders, a man he had always assumed to be simply whining about the plight of the mages from a place of privilege due to his innate power, was violently assaulted simply because he has magic. The Templars, who Fenris always thought were necessary to protect people from mages and mages from themselves, committed this terrible act because they hold power over mages Fenris had never considered before he was presented with the horrifying consequences.

  
Fenris realized he had been standing in his doorway for quite some time and shook his head violently as if to clear his thoughts. He quickly but quietly made his way upstairs to check on the hopefully sleeping mage.

  
When Fenris opened his bedroom door, he was relieved to find Anders was able to fall asleep. The mage looked far more vulnerable than Fenris ever imagined he could curled up in under the blankets in the large bed. Fenris took a moment to really look at the mage. Anders was facing towards him curled up on his side. The pained, terrified expression that graced his visage earlier was gone, replaced by the peace of sleep. He was burrowed almost all the way under the blanket and clutched the bits of fabric near his face in a way that seemed almost child-like.

  
Fenris was bombarded with emotions he can’t quite place. Instead of continuing to think about the feelings the situation evoked, he quietly baked out of the room and resigned himself to a few fitful hours of sleep. None of the other bedrooms had beds that could be slept in without serious cleaning beforehand, so Fenris grabbed his pack he took to the Wounded Coast and decided to lay down his bedroll in the room on the other side of the landing. When Fenris laid down on his bedroll, exhaustion from the day’s events overtook him and he quickly slipped into sleep.

  
Too few hours later, Fenris was awoken by a shout from his bedroom. He jumped out of the bedroll, grabbed a dagger out of his pack, and ran to the room Anders occupied. He fully expected Templars to have broken into his house and to be in his bedroom with the mage at this very moment. However, when Fenris threw the door open, all he saw was Anders tossing and turning on the bed screaming and whimpering in pain. He stared for a second or two completely unsure what to do before a soft cry of “No, please” roused him into action.

  
Fenris threw the dagger on the table next to the door and quickly moved to stand by the bed to rouse him.

  
“Anders, wake up.” He said, touching the mage’s shoulder.

  
Anders flinched away from the touch and let out a sob that made Fenris feel like he’d been punched in the gut.

  
“It is only a dream.” Fenris tried again more firmly. This time, Anders’ eyes flew open. He flinched back when he saw a person standing over him but immediately calmed when he recognized the person as Fenris.

  
Anders just stared up at him for a moment looking so vulnerable it made Fenris uncomfortable.

  
After a few moments, Anders said “I’m sorry to wake you.”

Fenris stared at him for a moment in surprise before saying “I would rather you wake me up than suffer what you were dreaming about.”

  
Anders drew in a shaky breath and tears began to slide down his face. Fenris carefully sat down on the edge of the bed, unsure what kind of comfort he could offer after such a traumatic event. Sitting down seemed to be the right move because Anders moved closer to him.

  
“You can move closer if that would bring you comfort, ma--Anders”

  
Anders moves again so he’s pressed as close to Fenris as possible. His breathing slowly becomes more even as he lays there.

  
Just when Fenris thinks he might be falling asleep, Anders speaks, “I told myself it would never happen again.”

  
Rage like he had never felt before nearly overtook Fenris. He stared down at Anders, horrified and asked “Again?”

  
Tears began to fill Anders’ eyes again “It was like I was back in the Circle again. Did you know I spent a year in solitary confinement after my sixth escape?”

  
Fenris shook his head, unable to form words.

  
“That was when I got the worst of it.” Anders continued, “Before that it was the occasional blowjob that escalated a couple of times. But the more I escaped the more of a target I became.”

  
Anders drew in a shaky breath.

  
“You do not have to continue Anders, I—“Fenris started

  
“Please.” Anders interrupted, “What you saved me from earlier brought up a lot of old pain. I feel like I have to tell someone or I won’t be able to--”

  
Anders stopped short, but Fenris didn’t need him to finish the thought to understand what he was feeling.

  
“Continue then.” Fenris said

  
“Could you move under the blankets?” Anders asked, avoiding Fenris’ eyes

  
Fenris obliged and moved under the blankets saying, “I said you can move closer.”

  
Anders’ hesitation was gone the moment Fenris lifted his arm up for Anders to press against his side. Fenris slowly lowered his arm around Anders’ shoulders and tightened his hold when Anders let out a sigh at the contact.

  
“Are you comfortable?” Fenris asked

  
“Yes, very.” Anders replied. He basked in the cuddling a few moments longer before continuing. “I was in solitary confinement for a year. Well, they called it solitary but that was only when the Templars weren’t visiting me. It was pitch black and the room they kept me in was enchanted so it drained my mana. It was so small; I still panic in enclosed spaces.”

  
Anders took a deep breath before continuing “The whole year I spent just in that room, but far too often Templars would come by to, to, well to do exactly what you saw at my clinic.”

  
Fenris’ arm tightened around the mage further and he had to actively suppress the enraged growl that tried to escape him. “They will not touch you again!”

  
Anders gave him a sad smile, and said with resignation, “I appreciate the sentiment, but they’re Templars. They feel entitled to do anything they want to me so it's bound to happen again at some point. It was stupid of me to think otherwise”

  
“I will not let them.” Fenris says fiercely.

  
Anders doesn’t answer but from the way his body is shaking, Fenris can only assume that he’s crying once more.

  
Once the shaking subsided slightly, Fenris asked “Has the magebane worn off?”

  
“Yes, but my mana still isn’t recovered.”

  
Fenris pulled back a little so he could look Anders in the eyes when he asked “Do you have wounds that should be healed sooner rather than later?”

  
Anders hesitated for a moment, but said “It feels like there’s some tearing. I don’t suppose you have a mana potion lying around?”

  
“No, but I have something else that will help.” Fenris said, activating his lyrium marks.

  
Anders let out a grateful sob when he felt the swell of mana. He took a quick inventory of his injuries with one spell, and then began working on repairing the damage the Templars did and cleaning the mess of bodily fluids left behind.

  
As he was finishing the healing, Fenris said “Your magic has always felt different.”

  
Anders was a little startled by this, “I’m sorry, I should have asked before doing magic while practically on top of you.”

  
“That’s not what I meant.” Fenris said, the sides of his mouth quirked up in a small smile, “I have felt many mages use magic in my presence and some who used my marks to fuel their spells, but their magic always hurt.”

  
Anders’ eyes widened and he started to apologize saying, “Maker, please tell me I didn’t hurt you!”

  
“No, that’s precisely what the difference is. Your magic feels warm and inviting.”

  
Anders seemed very curious about this “I wonder if my magical specialty has anything to do with that. Are Spirit Healers common in Tevinter?”

  
Fenris laughed, “Healing is considered a weak branch of magic in Tevinter.”

  
“Of course it is, nothing says ‘we’re all terrible people’ like ridiculing magic that helps instead of harms.” Anders yawns after saying this, trying to burrow closer into Fenris’ warmth.

  
Fenris laughs, then sobers once again saying “You should try to get back to sleep.”

  
Anders doesn’t say anything, but when Fenris begins to move he holds on tighter.

  
“Can you stay with me?” Anders mumbled, pointedly not looking at Fenris.

  
Fenris hesitates for a moment, but relents. He lays down and pulls the blanket over them both. Anders quickly gets as close to him as possible, using his chest as a pillow. Fenris wrapped his arm around Anders’ waist who sighed and held on to Fenris tighter.

  
As Anders fell back asleep, Fenris found he had too much to contemplate to follow the mage into the realm of sleep. He didn’t like how this mage brought forth such strong feelings in him. If he started feeling this way under any other circumstance, Fenris would immediately consider it to be a product of magic. The emotions the mage invoked in him are far more terrifying for him to deal with when he cannot rely on an excuse to discredit them. He felt an overwhelming need to protect Anders. It pained him to see that Anders was right all along about how mages are treated by Templars. And when he really thinks about it, Anders has nothing in common with most magisters based solely on his aversion to blood magic, let alone his urge to help those most in need. The thought of the mage’s demon is still disturbing, but far more disturbing is that anger Fenris feels for the demon’s lack of interference in the events earlier that night. Fenris pushed thoughts of Justice aside and focused on his breathing in hopes that sleep would find him. He vaguely registered how nice it was to sleep next to someone before he drifted off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is much longer and mostly about Anders and Fenris dealing with their feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finished writing this story, I'm just working on editing right now. I'm also thinking of writing a sequel, so we'll see how that goes.

                The next morning, Fenris was unsurprisingly the first one awake. Anders still wrapped around him, neither of them having moved much while sleeping. Except for Fenris’ arm that started the night around the mage’s waist and ended up with his hand on the mage’s ass. The elf’s eyes widened in surprise and he carefully moved his hand back to Anders’ waist. After feeling as if he averted a crisis, Fenris just lay there for a while, contemplating what he should do and deciding to stay exactly where he was until Anders woke.

                He didn’t have to wait long, soon Anders was stirring. Anders yawned loudly then looked up and froze when he saw Fenris, eyes wide. Whatever confusion the mage might have felt was fleeting because he quickly relaxed into the embrace.

                Anders sighed and said, “So last night really happened.”

                “Yes.” Fenris said, unsure of what to say beyond the monosyllabic response.

                Anders took a deep, shuddering breath “Not that I’m ungrateful, but why are you being so nice to me?”

                Fenris was stunned by the question and the sincerity with which Anders asked. He took a moment to collect his thoughts and responded “I realized that I was . . . wrong in many ways about mages outside Tevinter.”

                Anders’ astonished expression made Fenris continue, “In Tevinter, the magisters hold power over all because they used their magic to take that power. My own experiences blinded me to the power the Templars and the Chantry hold over mages outside the Imperium.”

                Anders had tears welling up in his eyes. Fenris held the mage tighter as the tears turned to sobs and slowly began stroking his hair in what Fenris hoped was a calming gesture.

                When the crying subsided slightly, Anders let out a weak chuckle “Maker, I’m a mess right now.”

                “I have a bath that you are welcomed to use.”

                Anders sighed gratefully, saying “A bath is exactly what I need right now.”

                However, Anders made no attempt to get out of bed.

                “Would you prefer to bathe first or eat?” Fenris asked after a minute or two of silence.

                “Bathe.” Anders answered immediately.

                Fenris nodded and began to untangle his limbs from Anders slowly. Anders groaned at the loss of Fenris’ body heat but acquiesced and followed him out of bed.

                When Fenris turned, Anders saw the large wound on the elf’s arm that went forgotten by Fenris when he reached the mage’s clinic.

                Anders’ eyes widened with concern, “Why didn’t you tell me you were hurt?”

                Fenris looked confused for a moment before remembering his original reason for seeking the mage out the night before.

                “I had forgotten.” He answered, simply.

                “Will you let me heal you?”

                Fenris nodded and walked back towards Anders. The mage carefully placed his hand above the wound and let his magic seek out the damage that needed healing. It didn’t take long for Anders to clean the wound, knit the skin back together, and repair the damaged blood vessels.

                Throughout the process, Fenris stared in awe at as Anders’ magic worked. He suddenly realized he had never before looked at the mage’s healing in action. He had certainly never let himself enjoy the warm feeling the healing magic brings and the way it soothed the way his markings ache.

                He didn’t articulate this to Anders, but Fenris did say a sincere “Thank you”.

“You’re, err, you’re welcome.” Anders said awkwardly, smiling at Fenris.

                Fenris realized he was just standing there staring after a few moments and quickly turned around saying “I’ll show you to the bath.”

                He led Anders to the once extravagant bathroom, decidedly not thinking more on the many self-realizations he’s had in the last 12 hours.

                “There is no hot water,” Fenris said, opening the door and leading Anders inside the bathroom “But it has Dwarven plumbing.”

                “Good thing I am my own water heater.” Anders said, looking and feeling awkward standing in the middle of the room.

                Fenris cleared his throat, “Do you want to have breakfast after your bath? I can go out and get something while you are in here.”

                Fenris immediately regrets the suggestion when Anders’ face quickly loses color and his breathing starts hitching too close to hyperventilation.

                “N—no, that’s alright. I’m, I’m not hungry.” Anders stuttered, not quite looking Fenris in the eye.

                “Are you worried about being alone?” He asked carefully.

                Anders responded with a quiet “Yes.”

                “Do you need me to stay in here with you, or is it reassuring enough to know I’m in the house?”

                Anders paused for a moment before saying “I—I don’t need you to stay in here.”

                Fenris nodded, “Yell for me if you need me.”

                He backed out of the room quickly to give Anders privacy and just as he was closing the door, he hears the mage say “Thank you” with sincerity Fenris never expected to hear before last night. Fenris continued on his way to the kitchen, hoping he could scrounge up something to eat without needing to go to the market and inevitably have to bring Anders with him.

                He had just entered the kitchen when he heard someone knocking on the front door. He froze and for a terrifying moment, he pictured Templars coming to take Anders. Fenris growled and quietly ran to his room to grab his spare long sword. The person had knocked again, more persistent this time by the time he got to the door.

                Fenris made sure his sword was concealed behind the door before opening it. He almost breathed a sigh of relief seeing it was just Varric and Hawke at the door.

                “Where is he?” Hawke asked gruffly, stepping inside when Fenris opened the door wider.

                “What he means is we have your sword Broody and we’re worried about Blondie.” Varric supplied, closing the door behind him.

                Hawke scowled handing Fenris the sword before continuing, “No, I meant where is Anders?”

                Fenris frowned right back at Hawke saying, “He is taking a bath.”

                “Then we’ll wait.” Hawke shot back stubbornly.

                “No, you will not.” Fenris stated, glaring daggers at Hawke, “He has been through a traumatic experience. I'll ask him if he would feel comfortable with seeing you later but I will not ambush him with you presence!”

                “Ambush him with my presence?” Hawke exclaimed, so loudly that both Fenris and Varric shushed him.

                He kept going, still fired up but at a lower volume, “Considering the animosity between the two of you, I doubt Anders would like to stay here longer than necessary. Frankly, I think it’s odd that you’re so against us seeing him!”

                “Hawke” Varric said, stepping between Hawke and Fenris, “From what I understand, we might not have an Anders to see if he didn’t intervene. Give Blondie some time to cope.”

                Hawke narrowed his eyes at both of them but agreed with a clipped “Fine.”

                “There, see we can all come to an agreement eventually.” Varric said with a hint of sarcasm. He next address Fenris, asking “Anything you two need?”

                “Breakfast.” Fenris hastened to respond, “And perhaps lunch.”

At the expression Hawke and Varric had on their faces, Fenris continued, “I don’t have much stocked and the mage does not want to be left alone but also does not wish to be around many people.”

                “One of us will come back later with a gift basket, right Hawke?” Varric prompted.

                Hawke snorted, “You mean I’ll come back later.”

                “Yea, yea” Varric said, pushing Hawke to the door, “Tell Sparklers I’d love to chat when he’s feeling up to it.”

                Fenris grunted in the affirmative and didn’t even wait until the pair were out the door before turning and making his way back to the main room. Just as he was wondering if he would have enough time to clean his sword before Anders finished, he heard the mage calling his name. Fenris carefully set his blade down and headed back to the bathroom.

                When he got to the door, he paused and asked, “Would you like me to come in?”

                Anders replied “Yes” in a slightly frantic tone that worried Fenris far greater than he would care to admit.

                Whatever sight Fenris expected to be greeted with when he opened the door certainly wasn’t the one he saw. Anders was still in the tub, the water temperature too high judging by how red his skin was and was taking shallow, gasping breaths. The worst part of the scene were the tear tracks down his face.

                “I—I think I should have asked you to stay.” Anders said shakily between gasps of air, looking up at Fenris with wide eyes.

                Fenris rushed over to him but paused once he reached the tub, unsure of how to help. Up close, Anders’ skin looks more than just reddened by hot water. It looked like Anders had rubbed his skin raw.

                “Try to take deeper, slower breaths.” Fenris said in what he hoped was a calming tone

                Anders didn’t answer, but Fenris could hear the mage put in the effort to calm down. He grabbed a towel, asking “Can you stand up?”

                Anders nodded.

                Fenris was still unsure how to handle this, but decided to hold out the towel and be prepared to wrap it around Anders when he stood up.

                After waiting a few moments, he realized Anders was waiting for prompting.

                “Stand up.” He said in the tone he hoped did not sound like an order.

                Anders complied, seemingly uncaring about his nudity when Fenris wrapped him in the towel.

                Fenris prompted the mage to step out of the tub and found himself disturbed by Anders’ sudden submissiveness. He dried Anders off as delicately as he could and was oddly proud when the mage moved enough to hold the towel up at Fenris’ prompting so he could grab Anders’ robes. Fenris held the robes open and stood behind Anders and was once again thankful the mage was not entirely catatonic when Anders helped Fenris put on his robes.

                When Anders loosely secured the front of his robes, he turned towards Fenris wide-eyed and opened his mouth as if to say something but didn’t speak.

                Fenris panicked for a moment, surprised by how fiercely he worried for the man in front of him. He thought about everything that could possibly be wrong from injury from the attack, to self-inflicted injury, to a show of emotional trauma. All Fenris could think to ask was “What do you need?”

                Anders began to tear up again and stepped towards Fenris, tentatively pulling the elf into a hug. Fenris did not hesitate to wrap his arms around Anders’ waist as the mage wrapped his arms around Fenris’ neck.

                After a few seconds of embracing, Anders mumbled, “Can we lay down again?” into Fenris’ neck.

                “Of course.”

                Anders pulled away but grasped Fenris’ hand and allowed the elf to lead him back to the bedroom. Once there, Anders immediately got in bed and looked at Fenris with eyes still widened with a hint of panic from whatever happened in the bathroom to trigger the episode. Fenris joined him, pulling the mage close to resume their former sleeping positions. Anders sighed contentedly and snaked an arm around the elf’s waist to mirror the arm around his. For a while they just lay there, giving Anders time to calm down and Fenris time to figure out how to talk to the mage about this.

                Anders calmed down before Fenris found the answer.

                “I felt like I couldn’t get clean.” Anders answered Fenris’ unspoken question, “I felt their hands on me, all of them, and I couldn’t get it to stop.”

                Fenris unconsciously held him tighter as Anders continued, “I started thinking ‘I’m always going to feel like this’ and it spiraled from there. I didn’t even realize I was stock still for so long until—“

                Anders stopped short, took a deep breath, and said, “Until Justice told me I needed to call for you.”

                Anders tensed after he said that as if expecting retaliation. Fenris grimaced “Your demon told you to call for help when you were unable to?”

                “He’s not a demon!” Anders snapped. Anders’ cheeks immediately flushed and the anxiety returned, but Fenris was nothing besides glad to hear the mage sounding more like himself.

                “Spirit then.” Fenris relented, “Why would it ask you to call for me?”

                Anders thought for a moment before answering, “He’s grateful to you for stopping those Templars. When they cut my magic off, whether by Templar powers or magebane, it cuts off Justice as well. He just has a faster recovery time, but not fast enough to stop what happened. I think he’s ashamed and angry at himself that he couldn’t stop them from, from r—raping me.”

                Fenris was stunned. “I wasn’t expecting that from a de—spirit.”

                Anders sighed, “Honestly, he’s felt different today. More like he was before we merged.”

                “Merging changed it?” Fenris asked, letting some of the worry he felt slip into his tone.

                Anders let out a shaky breath, “I hate to admit it, but yes. When I first met Justice, it wasn’t long after I got out of solitary confinement. Well, probably a year but the memories were still raw. I was so full of anger, not only for the specific Templars that hurt me but anger at all Templars and the chantry for allowing the abuse to take place. Justice saw my pain and wanted to help. He saw my suffering when no one else did and tried to help not only because what was done to me was unjust but because of our friendship. We merged because the body he inhabited against his will was decaying. I thought I was just helping my friend, but once we merged Justice was changed. He became less a spirit of Justice and more a spirit of Vengeance. And I did that to him.”

                Fenris didn’t know what to say. He held Anders tight and quickly tried to sift through how he felt about what the mage just said but all he could come up with was “Why do you think the spirit is more like before?”

                Anders looked up at him, seeming startled by the question Fenris decided to go with. The mage thinks for a moment and then answers, “My best guess would be your lyrium markings. Justice says they sing of home and being in close proximity seems to calm him.”

                Fenris finds he is not nearly as horrified by this revelation as he would have assumed. “Calmed is better than not calmed.”

                “That’s not the reaction I expected.” Anders said, letting out a shaky laugh, “Maker, you are full of surprises.”

                “I am certainly not comfortable with your d—spirit, but that is a conversation for another day.”

                “I’ll take it.” Anders says, smiling.

                They lay there a while longer simply enjoying the feeling of cuddling before Fenris breaks the silence.

                “Hawk and Varric stopped by while you were bathing”

                “Oh?” Anders said, looking up at Fenris.

                “I told them you weren’t ready for company but that one of them could come by later and we’ll see, meaning Hawke will come by later and we’ll see”

                Fenris found himself once again taken aback by the emotion visible in Anders’ eyes. The mage looked so grateful and awed that Fenris was able to anticipate his mood in such a way.

                “I think I’m up to seeing him” Anders says, then lets out a frustrated noise “I hate feeling worried about seeing a friend because I’m basically scared of my own shadow right now.”

                “If you want him to leave just tell me.” Fenris said, and when Anders looked down embarrassed, he continued with “Hawke will understand. You don’t have to tell him everything, just what you’re comfortable with.”

                Anders looked back up at him, throwing Fenris’ thoughts off track with a grateful smile.

                “How do you suddenly know exactly what to say to make me feel all warm and fuzzy?” Anders quipped.

                “Knowledge comes from experience in this case.” Fenris said

                Anders gasped, looking up at Fenris with a pained expression and more empathy than the elf expected from anyone.

                “You mean you . . .” the mage said, but trailed off not able to bring himself to ask the question.

                When Fenris nodded, Anders held him tighter and said, “I’m sorry.”

                The elf raised his eyebrows, surprised by the apology, “Why? You aren’t responsible for what they did to me.”

                “I’m sorry you had to go through that, go through everything you’ve been through.”

                “I’m still confused as to why you are apologizing for the actions of others, but thank you for the sentiment.” Fenris said, realizing he was smiling down at Anders and simultaneously realizing he didn’t care.

                The moment was ruined by Anders’ stomach gurgling. He flushed with embarrassment and looked away from Fenris.

                The warrior just chuckled, saying, “Hawke will bring food when he comes. If you’re hungry now we can dig through the kitchen.”

                “I’d rather stay here until he arrives.”

                Fenris smiled and said, “Me too.”

                The pair laid in bed, finding comfort in the other’s embrace. While Anders slowly drifted off to sleep, exhausted from the panic attack he had, Fenris stared at him and tried to sort out what he was feeling. He never thought he would find the touch of another comforting, especially not the touch of a mage. Yet here he was, holding the mage close and feeling a surge of emotions not all of which are nameable. He felt fiercely protective over the mage after what he witnessed the night before. He also felt anger towards the Templars, the likes of which he only ever felt towards Danarius and Hadriana. The emotions Fenris felt beyond protection and anger were far more confusing and difficult to name. He cannot remember feeling this way before and that scared him.

                A knock on the door pulled Fenris from his musings. Anders’ eyes immediately flew open and his entire body tensed until he recognized the elf.

                “Hawke?” Anders asks, yawning slightly.

                Fenris nodded, “Time to get out of bed it seems.”

                They slid out of bed and made it to the landing before Hawke knocked again.

                Anders let out a weak chuckle, saying “He’s always been an impatient one.”

                Fenris laughed, “I’ll go let his highness in, why don’t you sit by the fire?”

                Anders quickly sat down on the small lounge, looking relieved he wouldn’t have to greet Hawke at the door.

                A third more insistent knock came followed by Hawke’s unmistakable voice yelling “If I have to knock again I’m breaking down your door Fenris!”

                The aforementioned elf opened the door, shooting Hawke a look that could easily be interpreted as murderous if not for the way the edges of his lips curved up in amusement.

                “About bloody time!” Hawke exclaimed, shoving a large basket at Fenris and almost running into the house, slamming the door behind him.

                “To repeat my earlier question: where is he?” Hawke said, his tone low and threatening.

                Fenris narrowed his eyes, “He’s sitting by the fire, but your attitude stays out here. If at any point he needs you to leave, you will leave without questing. Understood?”

                Hawke gave Fenris an appraising look but agreed.

                Fenris nodded sharply and led Hawke into the main room where Anders was.

                “Hello Hawke.” Anders said with obviously forced cheerfulness. Fenris sat down next to the mage before Hawke had a chance to take the seat. He could feel Anders shaking and hoped his face did not betray the concern he felt.

                “How are you doing, Anders?” Hawke asks carefully, sitting down in the chair across from the lounge.

                Anders let out a weary sign and replied “What I want to say is ‘I’m fine’, but that wouldn’t quite be true.”

                “What happened?” Hawke switched tactics, “Varric said there were dead Templars in your clinic.”

                Anders paused for a moment and took a deep breath to collect himself before responding, “They came by long after I closed. They knocked on the door and I thought it was someone with an emergency. As soon as I opened the door they silenced me and barged in. I fought, but they overpowered me and forced me to swallow magebane. I—I thought they were going to take me to the Gallows, but they just tied me down to one of my work tables and . . . and”

                Anders broke off and looked like he was struggling to keep his tears at bay. He pressed closer to Fenris who wrapped an arm around the trembling mage’s shoulders. Fenris was finding it difficult to listen to Anders recount the attack but shoved the discomfort aside to better comfort the mage.

                Hawke looked like he wanted to comment on the touch until Fenris glared at him.

                “They just wanted to hurt me. For fun.” Anders said hollowly, “They kept making comments about how the Tranquil aren’t fun anymore.”

                Fenris tightened his grip on Anders and growled, once again wishing he had been able to spend more time killing those who hurt his mage.

                Hawke seemed alarmed by the behavior of both Anders and Fenris, but his concern for Anders quickly overtook the feeling.

                “And Fenris stumbled upon the Templars tormenting you when I told him to see you about his arm and killed them?” Hawke prompted.

                Anders inhaled sharply and Fenris suddenly realized he never told the mage Hawke was the reason he was at the clinic in the first place. He worried about the mage's reaction for a moment before Anders replied with a simple, “Yes", seemingly unbothered by the information.

                Fenris was also starting to get worried that Anders wouldn’t be able to handle more questioning by their friend. All three of them let the silence press on for a few moment before Anders continued.

                “I—It was like I was back in the circle. I felt helpless again.”

                “You do not have to continue.” Fenris gently reminded the mage.

                “Yes I do.” Anders said before Hawke had a chance to comment. Fenris tightened his arm around the man in what he hoped was a show of support.

                Anders took a deep breath and said, “They raped me, Hawke.”

                Hawke was stunned in to silence so Anders continued, “Those Templars raped me and it brought up all my horrible memories of the Feraldan Circle and of the Templars there that raped me.” Tears were filling Anders’ eyes but he kept speaking, “And the worst part is, every time it happens I’m left feeling grateful that at least they didn’t make me Tranquil.”

                Anders was actually crying now, and turned his face into Fenris’ neck comfort-seeking effort.

                Hawke didn’t even comment on the action. All he was able to say was “Oh Maker, Anders.”

                Fenris rubbed Anders’ back in a circular motion and said softly, “I will not let them hurt you again”

                Hawke was still uncomfortable with the sudden closeness between Fenris and Anders, but knowing the context for the change in relationship made it much less alarming.

                “Do you need me to leave?” Hawke asked.

                Anders took a shuddering breath and replied “No” but did not move.

                “Are you still hungry?” Fenris asked Anders

                The mage nodded his head still buried in the elf’s neck.

                “Good thing I brought breakfast. Or perhaps it’s lunch at this point.” Hawke jumped in, taking the cue from Fenris, “I’ll prepare our plates while you take a moment.”

                Hawke hurried off to the kitchen to grab plates and goblets.

                Fenris did his best to calm Anders, grateful for Hawke’s softened attitude. The elf let Anders cling to him and cry, allowing the silence drag on until the mage stopped sniffling.

                “I meant what I said, Anders. I will not let them hurt you again.”

                Anders looked up at him, eyes narrowed and said, “I don’t appreciate hollow sentiment. What happens when Meredith sends Templars to me on a sanctioned visit? Would you really go against the Templar order for a mage?”

                Fenrris stared Anders in the eyes, and replied with a fierceness that made Anders melt “If I failed so entirely and allowed you to be taken, I would kill every last Templar that stood between us in the most vicious way I have time for.”

                “Hey,” Hawke said, returning from the kitchen, “Give me a little credit. I’d kill at least a third of them before you managed rip their still beating hearts out.”

                “Only a third, Hawke?” Anders said, sounding more like himself than he had since the attack even if his tone was still quieter and more vulnerable.

                Hawke laughed, setting down the plates, goblets, and a jug of water he had been carrying on the small table next to the chair. “I got a good look at Fenris’ face just now, I would have to work to get a third of them. He looked like nothing in this world would bring him more satisfaction than to kill every Templar in the Gallows.”

                Anders looked up at Fenris with a grateful smile. Fenris felt an uncomfortable feeling in his stomach, but also a pleasant warmth in his chest. Hawke pointedly ignored the exchange and set about divvying out the bread, cheese, and fruit he brought for lunch.

                “I felt like it was a little early for wine.” Hawke said, pouring the trio goblets of water.

                Fenris chuckled and forced himself to move his attention off Anders and on to lunch. Anders angled his body so he was facing forward but did not move away from Fenris.

                Hawke wordlessly handed the pair their plates. As soon as both Fenris and Anders took a bite, they both realized how hungry they were. Hawke snorted in amusement as he watched his friends practically inhale their food.

                They ate in silence, both Fenris and Hawke hoping a meal would do Anders some good. When Fenris was finished, he casually slipped an arm around the mage’s waist. Hawke watched Anders’ reaction carefully and was surprised to see the mage relaxing immediately at the touch and lean closer to the elf.

                When their plates were empty and theirs goblets following suit, Hawke decided to talk business, “You should know the Coterie volunteered to protect your clinic. They contacted Varric and told him he needn’t bother hiring thugs who would just muck the job up, their words apparently, when so many members of their organization owe you their lives.”

                At the odd look Fenris gives him, Anders shrugs, “I’m a healer not a Chantry sister. I don’t judge those who come into my clinic seeking help, I just heal them.”

                “The Coterie will pay closer attention to Templar activity and will be passing on any findings to Varric.” Hawke said, seemingly amazed at his own words, “You make the strangest friends.”

                “As long as those friends will help with the Templars, I welcome the help.” Fenris interjected.

                “I should get back to my clinic soon,” Anders said, uncertainly with no small amount of guilt in his expression, “There is a terrible cough going around that the damp in Darktown is turning into an infection.”

                “No” Fenris said in alarm, tightening his hold on the mage. Anders stiffened at his tone and Fenris quickly continued in a tone he hoped to be soothing to the mage, “I just think you need to relax today, give yourself at least one day to recover.”

                Anders relaxed again, looking at Fenris with an expression that was a mix of thoughtful contemplation and gratitude.

                “I think that’s a good idea too, if my opinion matters on this.” Hawke said, awkwardly.

                Anders lets out a small laugh, “Your opinion always matters, oh Champion of Kirkwall.”

                “And on that note, I have some business to take care of on Sundermount. Orana is in the process of cooking you two a feast for dinner. Can I tell her to bring it by when she has a chance?”

                Anders smiled, saying, “That woman is the best cook, it would only be right to thank her in person.”

                “Rest up.” Hawke said to Anders, getting up from the chair, “I know you want to push yourself back in to action, but please just take it easy for a bit.”

                Fenris shot Hawke a grateful expression and Anders just nodded.

                “I’ll just show myself out.” Hawke said, not wanting to break up the cuddling happening on the lounge.

                “Thank you for lunch, Hawke.” Fenris called out to Hawke’s retreating back.

                “Oh, one more thing.” Hawke said, turning around and addressing Anders, “What would you like me to tell the others when they ask if they can visit?”

                Anders looks to Fenris who nods slightly, before answering, “They can visit.”

                “Goodbye for now, then” Hawke said, before resuming his exit.

                “How are you feeling?” Fenris asked when they heard the front door close.

                Anders exhaled slowly and said, “Emotionally drained.”

                “Is there something you would feel up to doing?”

                Anders shook his head and pressed his face into Fenris’ neck again, inhaling the elf’s scent.

                “Can we just cuddle for a bit?” Anders eventually asked, his breath ghosting over Fenris’ skin a surprising yet pleasant sensation for the elf.

                “If that is what you wish.” Fenris said, his tone low and soothing.

                Fenris was surprised when Anders moved so he was sitting across the elf’s lap and even more surprised when he found he enjoyed the new sitting position that allowed him to wrap both his arms around the mage tightly. The new position put Anders’ mouth right next to his ear, letting Fenris feel every exhale. It was more intimate than Fenris had ever allowed himself to be with another and he never wanted the moment to end.

                The unlikely pair sat there for quite some time just listening to each other’s breathing before Anders interrupted the silence by asking in small voice, “Can—Can I stay here tonight? You’re right, I’m not ready to go back to where they . . .”

                Anders trailed off but Fenris quickly responded by tightening his hold and saying, “You will stay here tonight and any other night you wish to.”

                “What if I wish to every night?” Anders asked carefully, as if bracing himself for rejection.

                Fenris leaned back so he could look directly into Anders’ eyes when he said, “That would be preferable but I don't want to pressure you.”

                “Are you serious?” Anders said quietly, looking so hopeful Fenris felt those unnameable feelings flared once again.

                Fenris replied, scoffing “How would I get any sleep when I know you’re sleeping in Darktown?”

                Anders chuckled, a warmth to his expression that made Fenris curse himself for never allowing himself to see this side of the mage before now, and said, “It never seemed to bother you before.”

                “I can admit when I'm wrong.” Fenris replied, then decided to change the subject by asking, “How would you like to spend your day of forced rest?”

                The mage seemed to think deeply about the question, “The only free time I get besides sleep is when Hawke drags me out to Wicked Grace, so I’m not sure. I usually spend my time that I don’t spend healing or out on a job with Hawke keeping the clinic up and running, making house calls to those too sick to travel, or various tasks for the mage underground.”

                “I’m sure there’s a chess set around here somewhere, there’s a small library, we could continue what we're doing right now,” Fenris listed, then added as an afterthought, “Wine can be added to all of these activities.”

                “You have a library?” Anders asked, obviously excited.

                Fenris smiled, “Would you like me to show you?”

                “Yes!” Anders tightened his grip on the elf for a moment before jumping out of his lap.

                Fenris wondered if his face would start hurting from the uncharacteristic amount of smiling he has done so far today. He leads the mage to what used to be Denarius’ study, suddenly wondering what sorts of books Anders will find. Fenris’ made little progress in his reading lessons with Hawke, which turned out to mostly just be a source of frustration for the both.

                As if reading his mind, Anders asked, “What kinds of books do you have?”

                “You’ll have to tell me.” Fenris said with a shrug, opening the study door for Anders and gesturing for him to enter.

                Anders frowned at Fenris, but a grin quickly replaced the frown when he entered the study and saw the bookshelves packed with books.

                Fenris sat down in the chaise next to the large window and watched Anders peruse the shelves. The mage had always been very expressive, but as he watched Anders’ face go from delight to intrigue to outright disgust as his gaze flitted from volume to volume, Fenris realized just how much Anders had been holding back. The elf felt emotional, honored to see this side of the mage and then felt immediately guilty he was not as free with his expressions.

                “Maker,” Anders’ voice roused Fenris from his musings, “I can tell an evil Magister used to live here. Some of these books outline practices of magic that are unconscionable.”

                Fenris snorted, “I would suspect nothing less from an ‘evil Magister’”

                “Some of these are about interesting, not horrifying branches of magic at least.” Anders grins and picks up one book in particular to show Fenris, “This is a rare tome on Spirit Healing.”

                Fenris looked at the small stack of books Anders picked out to peruse and asking, “Can I assume the rest of these books are on blood magic?” with little sarcasm.

                “Probably around 75%.” Anders said with a shrug, “If by ‘on blood magic’ you mean ‘involve blood magic’.”

                “Fasta vass”

                Anders didn’t reply and sorted the books he chose. Once they were to his satisfaction, he grabbed he book on spirit healing and walked back towards Fenris. There was another chair right next to the chaise but instead of taking the chair, Anders stood in front of Fenris and fidgeted for a moment. Fenris, knowing what the mage was too nervous to ask, leaned all the way back and made room for the mage to sit between his legs. Anders smiled, relieved and sat down between Fenris’ legs so his back pressed against the elf’s chest. Fenris draped his arms around the mage’s chest and just enjoyed the contact while Anders settled in to his book.

                “Are you sure you’re alright with being my pillow while I read when you have nothing to do?” Anders asked, turning his head in an attempt to look back at Fenris.

                Fenris grunted, “I do not mind.”

                “I could read aloud?’ Anders suggested but then immediately looked embarrassed, “But you probably don’t want to hear about the subject, so um never mind I guess.”

                Fenris considered the mage’s proposition for a moment before responding, “I would like that.”

                Anders’ mouth fell open, “You want to hear about magic?”

                Fenris let out a frustrated noise at having to explain feelings he didn’t understand, “You are a Spirit Healer. I would like to know more about you.” Fenris trailed off and mumbled a third sentence too quietly for Anders to hear.

                “I’m sorry, what was that last part?” The mage teased.

                Fenris growled in frustration this time “I also like listening to you talk.” He repeated.

                Anders didn’t comment, not wanting to push the elf too much, and plunged right into reading aloud for Fenris.

                The mage not only read the book aloud but also took great care in providing background knowledge necessary to understand the book. Fenris realized, unsurprisingly once he thought about it, that Anders is a good teacher. The way the mage carefully explains complex magical theory in a way that Fenris can understand makes the elf glad he asked Anders to read aloud.

                Fenris was being genuine with his interest in learning about Anders’ magic. He just realized that he no longer believes all mages are bad, as evidenced by the very good mage sitting in his lap. He still doesn’t believe all mages are saints as he’s sure Anders does, but he’s willing to admit his world view has changed drastically. He needs to understand every difference between this mage and those he knew in Tevinter.

                Anders read aloud so long his voice was becoming horse.

                “Do you mind if we take a break and get something to drink?” Anders asked after a while.

                “Of course not.” Fenris said, nudging Anders to get up.

                The mage hesitated for a moment before reluctantly climbing out of the elf’s lap.

                “Shall I grab a bottle of wine?” Fenris asked, leading Anders out to the main room again.

                Anders doesn’t reply for a moment before saying, “Justice always protests when I think about drinking, but he’s suddenly very quiet on the matter. I think some water is in order first, but a glass of wine sounds too good to pass up.”

                Fenris didn’t like hearing about the demon’s influence of Anders, though he already knew this since he had never seen the mage drink. He decided not to comment, however, gesturing for Anders to sit on the lounge they shared earlier while he refilled the jug of water from lunch.

                He returned and just as Anders took the water from his hands with a grateful smile, they heard a knock at the door.

                Fenris went to answer the door while Anders took a few large gulps of water and mentally prepared to be around other people.

                This time when Fenris opened the door, he was greeted with the sight of Varric and Aveline.

                He stepped back and gestured for them to enter, closing the door behind them.

                “How’s Blondie doing?” Varric asked, breaking the silence.

                “Fine mostly.” Fenris replied, “I will repeat what I said to Hawke, if at any point he needs you two to leave you will do so without question.”

                Aveline looked startled and worried, but Varric just nodded.

                Fenris led them into the main room and to Anders.

                Anders smiled at them with what Fenris knew to be false bravado. He gestured at his friends to take the chairs across from Anders, then sat next to the mage before either of their friends would have a chance to. Aveline seemed to be reacting to the obvious change in their relationship in similar ways to Hawke. She looked equal parts suspicious and concerned. Varric looked unfazed and took it upon himself to start the conversation.

                “How’s forced bedrest treating you, Blondie?”

                Anders laughed, “I think chair-rest would be more accurate. But to answer your question, very relaxing so far.

                “Glad to not be the only one telling you off for pushing yourself too hard.” Varric replied

                “So Aveline,” Anders said, looking more serious, “are you here as my friend or Guard Captain?”

                “Both” She responded, “Let’s start with friend. When Varric told me there was an incident with Templars at your clinic, I was worried. Are you alright?”

                Anders shrugged, “I’m in the process of getting there.”

                “I won’t ask you what happened, but know that I will listen if you would like to tell me.”

                “Same with me, Blondie.” Varric added.

                Anders took a deep breath and Fenris grabbed his hand in a silent show of support.

                “Three Templars came to my clinic last night looking for what passes for fun in their sick minds.” Anders said, “They slapped me around, tied me up, and h--hurt me. Fenris came to my clinic after the mission with Hawke and killed them”

                Anders addressed this to his and Fenris’ clasped hands and did not look up until he was done. Aveline looked furious; Varric just looked like he knew there was more to the story than Anders was letting on, but also like his heart broke for his friend.

                Aveline seemed to regain some of her composure after a brief moment, “Anders, I’m sorry that there is so little I can do as Guard Captain against Templars, but I’ll do all I can. I can file anonymous complaints of Templar abuse, it won’t do anything to sway Meredith, but it could help open Eltina’s eyes.”

                Fenris knew that would be no help, and he’s sure Anders does too. However, Anders only replied with, “Thank you Aveline.”

                “Hawke mentioned the security detail that volunteered their services?” Varric added.

                Both Anders and Fenris snorted so Varric continued, “I’ll take that as a yes.”

                “I certainly don’t like the idea.” Aveline cut it, “But it would be too suspicious to station guardsman at your clinic.”

                Anders smirked at Aveline, saying “That and they’d scare off my patients.”

                They all laughed a bit at that. When the mirth died down, Aveline stood up.

                “I need to get back to the barracks.” She said, “Kirkwall has no shortage of criminals and vagrants to be dealt with.”

                She paused for a moment, then addressed Anders, “I'm sorry this happened. My guardsmen are supposed to stop these things and I let you down.”

                “Don't blame yourself.” Anders said, seriously, “I certainly don't.”

                Aveline smiled gratefully and took her leave.

                “So,” Varric said once Aveline left, “You up for a game of Diamondback? I thought it best to play something that doesn’t involve gambling so Blondie here doesn’t spend all afternoon giving up coin.”

                Anders laughed, “You know I never have money for you to take anyway.”

                “Good thing too.” Fenris jumped in, “You’re abysmal at cards.”

                Anders pretended to look offended but ended up laughing.

                “If someone had told me you two would ever get along I would have laughed in their face.” Varric said, pulling deck of cards out of his pocket.

                “I would have as well.” Fenris said, squeezing Anders’ hand, “But I’m glad to have been proven wrong.”

                “We need some wine to go with these cards.” Varric announced once he had shuffled and dealt their hands, “Broody, want to help a Dwarf out and grab something from your wine cellar?”

                Anders squeezed Fenris’ hand then let go, wordlessly conveying he's comfortable staying with Varric.

                Fenris hastens to the wine celler, worried about leaving the mage in even Varric’s company. He paused for a moment, trying to guess at what Anders’ wine preferences might be and ended up grabbing a berry mead for the mage and a merlot for the dwarf.

                He hastened back, grabbing a goblet for Varric on his way, and was glad to find the mage chuckling lightly at Varric. However, Fenris was gladder to see how Anders’ face lit up when he walked back in to the room.

                Fenris walked towards Anders holding out the mead and said, “For you.” When he handed the bottle off. Fenris then turned to Varric and held out the other bottle. “And since you like your wine bitter and dry I thought it best to bring separate bottles.”

                “Of course Blondie wants a dessert in a bottle when he drinks,”  Varric said when he got a good look at the bottle Fenris brought the mage.

                Anders was already enthusiastically pouring himself a glass, then said with a shrug, “I’ve always had a sweet tooth.”

                “I’m with Anders on this.” Fenris said, pouring himself some mead as well, “I don’t see the point in drinking something unpleasant.”

                Varric just shakes his head at both of them and dealt the cards, saying "I can't help my refined taste."

                The three managed to spend the rest of the afternoon playing. Because of Anders’ close proximity, Fenris was constantly able to see his cards. At first he simply ignored them, but after a few games he took to whispering suggestions in the mage’s ear, usually prompting a “Hey, no cheating when it’s that obvious!” from Varric that went ignored each time. Fenris felt oddly proud of himself that Anders seems to genuinely improve with his help.

                After their game ended, no one remembering how many games they played, Varric stood up, “Alright you two, I hate to deprive you of my company, but it’s time to me to head out.”

                “Thank you for the afternoon of games.” Anders said, “But before you go, I need to tell you something.

                Both Varric and Fenris looked at him curiously.

                Anders took a deep breath and said, “I left something out when I told you and Aveline what happened. I like Aveline, and I wanted to tell the whole story earlier but I--I just couldn't. Could you keep this between the three of us and Hawke?”

                “You know I won't go blabbing, Blondie.” Varric said, curiosity turning to concern. He looked as if he was bracing himself for terrible news.

                “The Templars slapped me around, t--tied me up, and . . . and raped me. Fenris busted down the door in the middle of it.” Anders said after a few deep breaths, not wanting to meet anyone's eyes but still continuing, “I just. . . you're a good friend, Varric and I wanted you to know why my behavior is odd.”

                “Now I understand Broody's comment about them not suffering as much as they deserved.” Varric said with barely restrained fury, “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me and for what it's worth I wish I could have gotten a turn with them before their hearts were ripped out.”

                Anders barked out a watery laugh and finally met Varric's eyes.

                “You know my door's open if you ever need to talk, Blondie.” Varric said, “I'm going to just see myself out, no need to untangle your limbs.”

                Even with Varric gone, Fenris and Anders were reluctant to move from their entwined position on the lounge. They sat in comfortable silence for a while, Anders’ head on Fenris’ shoulder, both wondering to themselves why they found the other’s company so soothing. Fenris was mostly surprised he enjoyed touching the mage. He has been uncomfortable with others touching him after everything he went through as a slave, but it’s different with Anders. Fenris felt honored to be allowed to hold Anders after the abuse he suffered and despite their antagonistic history. The elf found himself feeling protective over the mage, over _his_ mage his mind supplied. He’s had no experience with the emotion he feels for Anders, but it’s as if all the passionate dislike instantly morphed in to passionate something else when he found the mage in his clinic surrounded by Templars.

                Anders was the one to break the silence, “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to properly thank you.”

                Fenris was shocked, and all he could think to reply was, “Do not thank me.”

                “Why?” Anders said, voice wavering as if on the edge of tears. He pulled back enough so he could look at Fenris’ face, “You saved me, took me back to your home, let me sleep in your bed, calmed me after my nightmares and panic attacks, put up with me clinging to you every chance I get, fed me, even shielded me from the company of our friends when I couldn’t handle it! Why shouldn’t I thank you for being so kind to me?”

                Anders was crying by the time he finished speaking. He looked so confused that Fenris put up with him, it broke the elf’s heart but also enraged him. Part of the rage was aimed at himself for his past attitude towards the mage, but also at all the people in his past who made Anders feel as if he wasn’t worthy of help.

                Fenris tried not to let the anger seep into his tone, replying softly, “Of course I saved you, I couldn’t just walk away and leave you to their sick abuses.”

                This seemed to shatter whatever self-control Anders had left. He sobbed out, “But that’s always how it goes! In—In the circle, people often walked in on a scene like that and they either left without a word or joined if it was a Templar.”

                Fenris carefully laid a hand on Anders’ face, wiping away the tears saying, “I meant it when I said I would not let them hurt you again.”

                “But why?” Anders croaked out, looking at Fenris with wide disbelieving eyes.

                “Because no one deserves what those Templars did to you.” Fenris says fiercely.

                Anders looked a little frustrated and still very distressed, “But that still doesn’t answer why you want to help me! I’m a mage, why would you want to help let alone be this close to me? Until last night I thought you hated me.”

                “I’ve never hated you.” Fenris says, then carefully considers the rest of his reply before saying, “I thought I did, but it’s hard to ignore what a good person you are. I antagonized you because I wanted to hate you for being a mage and I couldn’t.”

                “Really?” Anders looked awed and hopeful.

                “Yes, really.” Fenris said, “You are nothing like Denarius or the other Magisters I had the misfortune to meet.”

                Anders’ eyes shined with fresh tears. He threw his arms around Fenris and pressed his face back into the elf’s neck.

                Fenris held the mage as he cried, wrapping an arm around his waist and using his other hand to stroke Anders’ hair in what he hoped was a soothing gesture.

                “I was scared, at first.” Anders said after a while, “When I saw you in the doorway to my clinic. For a moment, I didn’t even consider that someone would be there to help me. I’m sorry for fearing you would . . . you would. . .”

                He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

                Fenris’ heart hurt to hear the mage thought even for a moment Fenris would hurt him as the Templars did.

                “I swear to you, I will never hurt you.” Fenris said with conviction, “Not intentionally so.”

                Anders didn’t respond, just exhaled slowly and allowed himself to be held as his shaking subsided. After a few minutes, Anders let out a hollow laugh.

                Fenris ceased stroking the mages hair and asked in alarm, “What is it?”

                Anders laughed again, humorless and hollow. “It’s nothing.”

                However, after pausing a moment, he evidently decided to explain. “When I was in the circle, I would fantasize about being rescued by a dashing knight like in those children’s tales. I laughed because that fantasy finally came true, in a way.”

                “I’m hardly anyone’s definition of ‘dashing knight’.” Fenris said, lips quirked up in a half smile.

                Anders chuckled, then said seriously, “You are certainly my definition of a dashing knight.”

                Fenris was unsure how this declaration made him feel. On the surface he feels guilty once again for how he treated the mage in the past, but he also felt confused, touched, and the need to protect Anders fiercely.

                After letting the silence drag on, Fenris responded in a hushed but serious tone, “I feel honored to be thought of in such a way.”

                That was evidently the correct thing to say because Anders sighed contentedly into the elf’s neck. Fenris resumed playing with the mage’s hair and once again tried to reconcile the changed nature of his feelings towards Anders. It’s painfully obvious to the elf now how blinded he was by his hatred of mages and that the mage in his arms is nothing like the man Fenris thought him to be just yesterday. The mage, _his_ mage his traitorous mind supplied, feels far too thin to be considered healthy. Thinking back, Fenris realized Anders always looked exhausted. He didn’t think the mage’s sleeping habits were note-worthy, but now he wonders how much sleep Anders was accustomed to and vows to make sure the mage takes care of himself.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another short chapter, but chapter 4 is going to be another long one.

Orana shows up a while later with far too much food for two people. Despite Fenris’ assurances he can handle putting the food away, she insists he stays seated with Anders while she bustled about cutting up and serving the meat pie she made for their dinner and putting away the rest in the pantry.

When she handed the pair their plates, Anders smiled saying, “This looks wonderful Orana, thank you! Could you stay and eat with us?”

Orana looked to Fenris as if asking for approval.

“Orana, the least I could do in thanks for all the work you must have done to prepare this is provide you with hospitality while we enjoy the meal you cooked.” Fenris said.

“I would like to stay for dinner.” Orana said meekly. She scurried out of the room to grab herself a plate and sat down in one of the chairs across from them.

Dinner was a quiet affair, the silence occasionally punctured by Anders praising Orana’s cooking. Orana kept looking at Anders with a worried expression and Fenris wonders how much she had heard about what happened to the mage.

When they’re all finished, Orana looked at Fenris as if she wanted to say something but was too worried to go through with it.

After the silence went on too long, Fenris addressed it. “Orana, you know you are free to speak your mind.”

“It’s just,” She says hesitantly, “Your home is dirty. I want to offer my help, but I wasn’t sure what to say.”

Anders sniggered and Fenris sighed heavily.

“I can’t ask you to clean my house Orana, you’ve already done so much for me today.”

“But I want to help!” Orana insists, “You’ll both be more comfortable in a clean mansion.”

“I need to be sure you’re offering because you want to not because you feel like you must.” Fenris said after a small pause.

Orana smiled at him, “Thank you. I just want to help. You have both been very nice to me.”

“Then I am grateful for your kindness.” Fenris said, relieved.

“I really should be getting home, but I will come back tomorrow morning to help.” Orana said, standing up.

“Thank you for everything.” Anders said, smiling brightly at the girl.

Orana nodded and let herself out.

“She’s such a sweet girl.” Anders remarked, breaking the silence that had descended upon them with Orana’s exit.

Fenris hummed in agreement and got up to clear their dishes from dinner.

Anders watched him in silence. The mage looked so at ease in his presence, Fenris found himself once again cursing his previous attitude towards the mage.

“After dinner I usually do sword exercises.” Fenris said, wanting to ask the mage if he would be comfortable with that but finding the question portion of his statement dying on his lips.

Anders seemed to pick up what he meant by the statement, though. He smiled at Fenris and said, “No need to change your routine on my account. Where you do practice?”

“In here. This is the largest room.”

“Can you hold off for a minute while I grab the book I was reading?” Anders asked, getting up from the lounge.

At Fenris’ nod, Anders dashed to the library. Fenris found himself chuckling fondly at the mage’s retreating back as he retrieved his sword.

Once Anders was settled down on the lounge once again with his book, Fenris started his exercises. Anders’ presence makes it difficult for the elf to concentrate at first, but after a while his mind quieted and he focused solely on the movement of his body.

Long after the sun had set, Fenris decided that was enough for the day. He lowered his sword for the final time that evening and glanced over to where the mage was sitting. Surprisingly, Fenris was met with Anders’ golden brown eyes. The mage had been watching him and Fenris found he did not mind.

The mage’s cheeks turned a dark red, but he did not break the eye contact, instead saying, “You’re very graceful. It almost looks like you’re dancing.”

Fenris willed the color not to rise to his cheeks as well when he replied, “I don’t dance.”

Anders laughed more openly than Fenris had heard all evening. The elf couldn’t prevent a smile from gracing his visage which he hid by turning to put his sword away.

When Fenris turned back to Anders to see the mage yawning widely, he suggested they go to sleep.

Anders looked hesitantly at Fenris and softly asked, “Can—can you sleep with me again tonight?”

“Of course.” Fenris responded. He wanted to say something else, like ‘I didn’t know how nice it is to hold someone as they fall asleep’ or ‘Please sleep with me every night’, but he let the moment pass.

Anders smiled gratefully and slowly stood up from the lounge, stretching in a wonderful imitation of a cat.

They wordlessly climbed the stairs to the bedroom. When in, Fenris started digging through the wardrobe with a sudden inspiration.

“Here.” He said when he found what he was looking for, holding out a sleep shirt for the mage.

“I don’t think your shirt will fit me.” Anders said, taking the shirt, “My chest is broader than yours.”

“It’s not my shirt.”

At Anders’ confused expression, Fenris extrapolated, “It was Danarius’.”

Anders looked at the shirt, wide-eyed and wary of the garment as if it was an extension of the Magister.

“Would you like privacy while you change?” Fenris asked

“Yes.” The mage said, shyly.

Fenris grabbed his own sleep shirt from the wardrobe and stepped into the hall to change.

Just as he finished, the mage called out “You can come back in.”

He opened the door and found the mage standing awkwardly next to the bed. Fenris closed the door and marched over to the bed, laying down on his side and extending his arms out towards Anders, conveying to the mage without a word that he would also like to cuddle.

Anders smiled gratefully and laid down facing Fenris, his head on one of the elf’s arms. Fenris brought his other arm down around the mage’s waist, said mage sighing contentedly at the contact and moving as close as possible to Fenris.

They lay there together in silence, both calmed by the other’s breathing and touch.

Unsurprisingly, Anders was the one to break the silence. “Thank you for forcefully suggesting I not go to my clinic today.”

“That better not be sarcasm.” Fenris quipped, stroking the mage’s back absentmindedly.

“Me? Never.” Anders laughed, “But I wasn’t being sarcastic. I needed this, I don’t think I’ve ever just spent a day so unproductively.”

Fenris asked, incredulously, “How do I have more experience than you in this regard?”

The elf felt Anders shrug. “I’ve never been good at taking care of myself I guess.”

Fenris’ heart felt tight at the mage’s words, though he already suspected this to be the case. Thinking back, Anders’ words rang painfully true. The mage so obviously needed someone to take care of him and no one noticed.

“I do not like the thought of you running yourself ragged with such flagrant disregard for your wellbeing.” Fenris said, frowning deeply.

“You never seemed to mind before.” Anders said for the second time that day with a slight quiver to his voice that had the elf tighten his grip on the mages waist and pulling him closer.

“I didn’t know!” Fenris said hotly, then adding, “I didn’t let myself see you as anything but a would-be magister. I have done you a disservice.”

This seemed to break down whatever barrier the mage still had up. He burst in to tears and pressed his face into Fenris’ chest. The elf just held him while he cried, stroking the mage’s back and holding him tight. The feeling of holding someone while they cry was entirely foreign to Fenris, but he found he wanted to hold the mage and provide any small amount of comfort he could. The protective feeling rose once more in the elf’s chest when he felt his shirt had become wet with the mage’s tears.

When Anders calmed down enough to speak, he let out a shaky laugh and said, “Maker, it’s been a long time since I’ve cried so much.”

Fenris wasn’t sure what to say to that, but settled on, “Cry all you need to.”

Anders attempted to laugh again, and scooted back so he could look at Fenris “Even when I get tears and snot all over your clothes?”

“Tears, yes. Snot, unacceptable.” Fenris said, the corner of his mouth quirked up.

Anders’ laugh sounded genuine this time, “Did you just make a joke?”

“Don’t tell Hawke.” Fenris said, chuckling, “I have a reputation to uphold.”

The remark had the intentioned effect, making Anders laugh harder. Fenris found himself smiling as the pain melted from the mage’s face and was replaced with mirth.

Fenris was once again captivated by how open the mage’s expression was in comparison to before. The elf found himself wondering if Anders was like that with everyone or if the mage would close himself off in Fenris’ presence specifically.

Anders interrupted his line of thinking, asked in a soft and unsure tone, “Will you go with me to my clinic tomorrow?”

“Of course.” Fenris immediately responded, the thought of the mage’s clinic bringing the horrible scene he found last night to the front of his mind. He had not planned on letting the mage go back alone.

Anders smiled at him gratefully and the last bit of tension the mage held in his body dissipated.

“Thank you.” Anders sighed, then said after a long pause, “I always felt safe at my clinic. I mean, as safe as an apostate ever can feel, but it was the first space I truly felt was mine and now. . .”

Anders trailed off dejectedly, not meeting the elf’s eyes.

Slowly as not to startle the mage, Fenris moved his hand from the mage’s back and up to touch the other’s face. The touch had the desired effect; Anders glanced back up at Fenris and leaned into his hand.

“You are safe here.” Fenris said, cupping the mage’s face carefully and holding his gaze.

“Part of me fears I’ll wake up tomorrow to find today has been a dream and I’m actually in the Gallows waiting to be made Tranquil.” Anders says fearfully and so quietly Fenris almost didn’t hear him despite being inches away from the mage.

“Do not fear. I'll be here when you wake.” Fenris replied with conviction.

Anders smiled gratefully at Fenris, the fearful look not quite gone from his eyes but the elf’s words seemed to calm most of the mage’s fright if the droop of his eyelids was anything to go by.

“Sleep ma—Anders.” Fenris says, moving his hand off the mage’s face and to his waist to pull him closer once again.

“Mmmm.” Anders hummed, pressing his forehead into Fenris’ chest

Fenris carefully placed his chin on top of the mages head and closed his eyes, astonished once again how nice it was to hold someone as they fell asleep.

They both drifted off to sleep faster than either thought possible.

Fenris abruptly awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of Anders making distressed noises in his sleep. Their sleeping position had shifted slightly while they slept, Fenris now laying on his back with Anders was laying on his stomach with his face in the elf’s neck, grasping Fenris’ shirt tightly with half of his body on top of the elf.

“Mage.” Fenris said and felt guilty immediately when Anders let out a pained sob.

“Anders.” Fenris tried again, bringing one hand up to stroke the mage’s hair and the other around the mage’s waist. “It’s just a dream, Anders.”

Anders whimpered again, muttering something that sounded horrifyingly like “Stop, please.”

“Anders!” Fenris tried more forcefully.

The mage froze and stopped his distressed noises. He took a deep, shaky breath and asked in a small voice, “Fenris?”

“I am here.” He said, not ceasing his stroking of the mage’s hair. “You are safe.”

Anders inhaled deeply then exhaled slowly, the tension leaving his body.

They didn’t exchange any more words until they fell back asleep, both comforted by the others presence. Fenris was woken up once more that night, much in the same way. And, just like this time he woke Anders from the nightmare and held him close until he calmed down enough to sleep once again.

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Featured in this chapter: Emotional healing, Anders goes back to his clinic accompanied by Fenris, Merrill and Isabella make an appearance, and lots of feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note at the end of the chapter.

The next morning found Fenris the first to wake again. He awoke knowing immediately by the stiffness in his neck that he had not moved since he fell asleep last. However, Fenris thought a stiff neck a small price to pay for waking up with his arms still wrapped around the mage with said mage's warm breath tickling his neck. Fenris was hit with the realization that he wants to wake up like this every morning. He didn't know how much he longed for someone to make him feel less alone until he had this mage in his arms. This ridiculous, wonderful, caring, annoyingly righteous, hurt mage who Fenris always thought to be just like every mage he'd met before and who had so thoroughly proven him wrong, quickly nestled his way into the elf's heart. Seeing the mage so peaceful in sleep, Fenris began to worry about taking Anders to his clinic so soon after his attack. He wanted to protect the mage from the emotional pain he will surely feel when he enters the room he was brutalized in, but Fenris also knows the mage already feels guilty for taking a day away from healing the people of Darktown and the guilt will only the worse the longer Anders stays away.

Fenris was still struggling with his thoughts when Anders began to stir.

A small and adorable noise left the mage and Fenris shivered as the mage's lips moved against his neck.

Fenris continues to stay silent, wondering if the mage was awake or not when Anders mumbled “Morning” into his neck.

“Morning.” Fenris replied, hoping not to give away how the mage's lips against his skin made him feel.

“You're much cuddlier than you look.” Anders remarked, still speaking right into Fenris' neck.

Fenris let out a small gasp when he felt Anders' lips again which he hoped went unnoticed. Quickly recovering, he replied, “Only with you, ma—Anders.”

“I feel honored.” Anders said with minimal snark. The mage finally pulled away from the elf's neck to look lock eyes with him before saying, “Thank you for using my name. Templars always call me that in a derogatory tone, especially whenever they . . . it just triggers bad memories and I appreciate your effort.”

“I told you I would not intentionally hurt you.” Fenris said, in a serious tone that surprised even himself, “I didn't just mean physical hurt.”

Anders looked at him as if he couldn't possibly exist.

“In any other situation, I would ask you 'who are you and what have you done with Fenris' if you said that to me.”

Fenris shrugged, and said honestly, “In any other situation, I would assume nefarious magic to be the cause of these feelings.”

Anders laughed, “And that's how I know it's the real Fenris.”

Fenris chuckled, basking in the changed nature of their relationship. Yesterday, he didn't let himself dwell on the change in part due to a fear of what it might mean. He knows how to handle being protective of a friend in battle, so killing those Templars and getting Anders out of harm’s way was close enough to not prompt further contemplation. Upon further examination, the protective urge Fenris has goes far beyond what he has ever felt for one of their friends. The excessive touching he did not expect, not just because of the nature of Anders' trauma but because of his own past trauma. For whatever reason, they both felt comfortable with the others' touch, preferred it even.

Fenris forcefully stopped the train of thought, asking Anders, “How are you feeling?”

“Surprisingly refreshed despite the nightmares.” Anders said, “I can only assume that’s due to the comfy elf-shaped pillow I snuggled all night.”

Fenris snorted, “I would like to make a derisive comment, but I have to agree with you. I also feel surprisingly well rested.”

“I still want to go to my clinic today.” Anders announced.

“I assumed so.” Fenris said, “But we'll at least sit down and eat something before heading out.”

Anders' eyes lit up, “We?”

Fenris just blinked at him and said “Of course 'we'.” as if it was the most obvious statement in Thedas.

Anders smiled at him brightly and scooted forward to give Fenris an enthusiastic cuddle instead of the hug he wanted to give the elf.

Fenris let out a dramatic sigh but tightened his hold on the mage to return his affectionate gesture. Anders made a cute noise of contentment and lay there for a few more moments before rolling out of bed.

Fenris smiled to himself as he watched Anders scurry around the room looking for his clothes, very obviously eager to get back to healing. He languidly gets out of bed and manages to gather his clothing before Anders finds his.

“I'll leave the room to allow you to dress.” Fenris said, walking to the door, “Meet me downstairs for breakfast.”

Fenris saw the mage nod before he closed the door. He shed his night shirt and quickly changed right on the balcony. He then made his way to the kitchen, rummaging through the food Orana brought and silently thanked her when he found dessert pastry rolls wrapped up to avoid spreading icing all over the basket. He grabbed a couple apples and walked back to the main room, snatching a couple plates as and plating the food as he walked.

Anders was already sitting on the lounge when he got back, and for a moment Fenris was worried that he wasn't within sight when the mage left the bedroom. To his relief, Anders just looked at him sleepily and smiled widely when he saw what Fenris had chosen for breakfast.

“Orana is a goddess!” Anders exclaimed, eyeing the pastries.

Fenris laughed, handing Anders his plate of food and sitting down beside the mage. Anders immediately scooted as close to Fenris as he could. The elf was still constantly surprised by both the contact and his own craving for it, but he was growing more accustomed to it and found himself basking in the frequent touch.

Anders, completely absorbed in his food, moaned loudly when he took his first bite of the sweet pastry. Fenris did his best to ignore his body's reaction to the sound by eating, starting with the apple.

The mage continued to make infuriatingly attractive noises of appreciation for the food that Fenris did his best to ignore.

“Maker, if this is Orana's definition of not being a great cook, I want to meet whatever higher power she considers to be a better cook than her and learn their celestial magic!”

Fenris barked out a surprised laugh at the odd comment and stared at the mage, saying, “You are a strange man.”

Anders grinned sheepishly, a blush appearing on his cheeks and muttering, “Are you really only now noticing that?”

“No, I was simply remarking on a previous observation.” Fenris said, the fond smile making his intention of lighthearted teasing clear.

Anders laughed, “Good to hear you take the time to get to know a fellow before getting him in your bed.”

Fenris just blinking at the mage, not remotely expecting that response.

The mage's cheeks became deep red and he stuttered out, “I—I'm sorry. That was, I mean, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.”

“Calm down,” Fenris said, snaking am arm around the mage's waist, “I simply did not expect you to say that.”

Anders sighs and leans his head on Fenris' shoulder, relaxing.

“To be fair, I didn't expect to say that either.” Anders mumbles into the elf's chest, “It felt like a very me thing to say, flirting with my heroic and attractive rescuer.”

It was Fenris' turn to blush this time, and he found himself unable to come up with a response. Anders didn't say more on the subject, but he seemed to take the arm around him still to be a good sign as he went back to eating his breakfast.

Fenris continued to munch on his apple, finding himself unable to stop thinking about what the mage just said. He felt as if he shouldn't feel so intrigued by the comment, especially considering the situation that brought Anders into his home.

That thought made the elf quickly shut down his train of thought. They could speak about this when Anders has had more time to heal, he decided.

Fenris set his apple core down on his plate and when he made no move to start on his pastry, Anders looked at him incredulously.

“Don't tell me an apple is all you're having for breakfast.”

Fenris shrugged, saying, “I'm not fond of sweets in the morning.”

Anders looked at him, confused, “Then why did you bring yourself one of the sweet rolls?”

Fenris just chuckled and transferred the roll to Anders' plate. The mage's face lit up and he quickly unwrapped the roll and started devouring it much like the first.

After a few bites Anders looked at Fenris gratefully and handed the elf his apple, saying “I think it's only fair to compensate you with an apple. A favorite for a favorite.”

Fenris took the offered apple, and asked, “How did you know apples are my favorite fruit?

“Please,” Anders scoffed, rolling his eyes, “We may have fought constantly, but I still paid attention. Actually, the fighting made me pay closer attention to you than all our other friends because everything I wanted to know about you I knew I would have to observe and discover without you telling me.”

“I--” Fenris stuttered, completely taken aback by this revelation, “I didn't know you cared about something as trivial as my fruit preferences.”

“I don't recall telling you how much I love sweets before yesterday and yet you brought me what I’m sure was the sweetest wine in the house.” Anders pointed out.

Fenris opened his mouth to retort, then snapped it shut. Anders chuckled lightly and said. “That's what I thought.”

The elf let out a frustrated noise and pulled Anders so close the mage's face was pressed up against his chest. Anders just laughed, set down his sweet roll, and wrapped both arms around Fenris.

They sat in silence while Fenris finished his second apple.

“Are you full?” Fenris asked the mage with a raised eyebrow.

“No, I'm just comfortable.” Anders replied, then let out a dramatic sigh when he sat up and grabbed what remained of his breakfast.

Fenris rolled his eyes but decided not to comment. Instead, he found himself unconsciously stroking the mage's side where his hand sat and watching him.

Anders quickly finished the rest of his food, then closed his eyes and hummed in contentment. When the mage opened his eyes, his expression became a bit more serious.

“You coming with me is the only thing that's letting me be excited about going back to my clinic.” Anders confessed, “I feel safe knowing that you will be with me. You won't let them. . .”

Anders trailed off, but Fenris knew exactly what he was trying to say.

“You are right, I won't let them hurt you.” Fenris said, fiercely, “I'm glad you are excited to resume your healing. You provide a great, selfless service for people who have nothing. Just, don't push yourself too hard too fast.”

When Anders looked like he was going to protest, Fenris cut him off with, “What would you say as a healer to a patient in this situation?”

The mage dropped his eyes and looked sheepish. “I would recommend more than a day of rest, at least 3, talk to a healer or a trusted friend about the trauma, have someone around constantly who can help with the emotional troubles this type of abuse brings about, and definitely not to return to the place the trauma took place this early.”

“I understand your need to reopen your clinic which is why I'm coming with you. I just want you to be mindful of your needs.” Fenris says, continuing to rub soothing circles on the mage's side.

“Only if you insist.” Anders said, playfully.

Fenris replied, tone far more serious than the mage's, “I do.”

Anders smiled at the elf, and slowly extricated himself from Fenris' arms.

“We should get going.” The mage said, getting up. “I'll need a moment to change into clean robes and to—to let myself get comfortable.”

Fenris nodded and stood up as well, gathering his chest plate and gauntlets and quickly strapping his armor on. He sheathed his great sword and met Anders at the door.

The mage stepped back and allowed Fenris to leave first, then quickly followed him outside. Once they were both outside, Anders stood as close as he could to the elf and tried to keep his breathing even.

Fenris, sensing the mage's distress, reached down and grabbed Anders' hand. The mage looked at his in surprise, and Fenris simply answered by threading their fingers together and leading Anders away from the mansion and towards the closest entrance to Lowtown.

The touch seemed to help, but Anders still kept so close to him he was worried of accidentally tripping the mage. The walk was going better than Fenris feared until right before they reached the Darktown entrance, he saw a couple of Templars walking in their direction.

Fenris pulled Anders to the closest stall, and let go of the mage's hand in order to wrap an arm around his waist. Anders looked at him in confusion, but Fenris just pointed out the cute animal ceramic figures. Luckily, he found an adorable cat among the animals and showed it to the mage, the distraction working rather well. Anders' eyes lit up and he cooed at the thing like it was a real cat.

The Templars had long passed by, going unnoticed by Anders. Fenris internally congratulated himself for keeping avoiding further emotional trauma for the mage. When Anders finally put down the ceramic cat and turned away mournfully, Fenris stepped in and told the seller he would like to buy the ornament.

Anders' looked at him in disbelief before launching himself at the elf for a hug, exclaiming, “Thank you!”

Fenris laughed and indulged in the hug for a moment before breaking it to pay the merchant. The ornament seller smiled at the two with a knowing look at said, “Maker watch over you both.” as they left.

They continued the short distance to Darktown, once again hand-in-hand. Anders was still beaming about the ornamental cat. Fenris felt good he was able to do something to make the mage smile like that.

Fenris began to worry, however, when they stood in front of the mage's clinic. He held the mage's hand tighter and waited for Anders to make the first move.

After a long pause during which Anders took a few deep and slow breaths, the mage opened the door. He entered, ushering Fenris in behind him and closed the door. Anders squeezed Fenris' hand and just stared.

Varric's 'someone' did a good job cleaning up. The clinic looked like the horrors of the other night never happened.

When Anders began to shake, Fenris stepped in front of him and pulled him in to a tight hug. That seemed to open the floodgates because Anders held the elf tightly, buried his face in Fenris' neck, and cried.

Fenris held the mage, holding him tightly and occasionally muttering reassurances like “You're safe now”, “They cannot hurt you anymore”, and “I'm here”.

This was the reaction Fenris was expecting, but it didn't make him less worried for the mage. After a while, Fenris carefully directed the mage over to a bench so they could sit. As soon as the elf sat down, Anders climbed into his lap and pressed his face back into the elf's neck to continue crying.

Fenris wrapped his arms Anders, and tried to be as comforting as possible while they waited for the tears to pass.

When Anders had cried so long he felt he could produce no more tears, he slowly pulled back from Fenris and hesitantly met the elf's eyes.

Fenris brought a hand up and used his thumb to brush away the tears still clinging to the mage's face. Anders' eyes flutter shut and he leans into the touch.

After a while, Anders sighed deeply and said, “I need to get ready for patients now that the panic has subsided.”

Fenris tightened his hold on the mage for a moment before releasing him. Anders reluctantly left the elf's lap and hastened to grab clean robes. He assumed the mage would find privacy to change, but Anders hesitated at the door to his small bedroom.

“Can you,” Anders started, paused, then apparently decided to proceed anyway, “Can you come in here with me?”

Fenris nodded and followed the mage into the backroom. He closed the door and stayed turned around to the give mage that much privacy at least.

When the elf heard the rustling of fabric stopped, he decide to wait a moment longer before turning around. Before he got the chance, he felt Anders step close to him and wrap his arms around Fenris from behind. The mage put his chin on the warrior's shoulder, and practically giggled.

“Many thanks, my knight in shining armor.” Anders said with another giggle, releasing the elf and walking back into the clinic. Fenris just shook his head, a small smile on his face, and followed the mage.

“Could you open the door for me?” Anders said, absorbed in his task of arranging the supplies he'll most likely need on hand.

Fenris grunted in response and did as the mage asked.

“Do you need assistance over there?” Fenris asked when the task was done.

“Yes!” Anders exclaimed, “Could you place those sheets on the cots?”

Once again, Fenris completed the task given to him by the mage. He was about to ask what else he could do to help when a woman with a small, coughing child walked in to the clinic. Fenris made his way back to Anders' desk and took a seat, assuming the mage would ask if he needed assistance.

Watching Anders working in his clinic showed Fenris another side of the mage he never let himself see before. It became painfully obvious the mage was more caring than any person Fenris had met before. He seemed so genuinely concerned with the well-being of his patients and he knew almost all of them. With the more routine problems like cough or infected wound, Anders would chat with his patients about their lives, usually asking them to say hello to their family for him. Very few were able to leave any donations to pay for the services provided, but Anders didn't care. The few who left a coin or a needed item like a blanket received large smiles and sincere thanks in return.

Fenris also observed how impressive the mage's healing magic was. Around mid-morning when the clinic was empty, an emergency came barreling through the clinic doors. A young, male elf was carried into the clinic by a hysterical woman screaming for help. Anders immediately sprang into action, guiding the woman to a cot and helping her place the young man carefully on it.

“What happened?” Anders asked.

“Some drunks from Lowtown attacked him!” The woman sobbed, “They had no reason, they just attacked my boy!”

“Did you witness this?” Anders checked the boy over while speaking finding several concerning injuries.

“No, Finlie's boys found him afterwards and brought him home.” The woman knelt beside her son's cot and held his hand.

Anders looked at the mother, urgently explaining, “He has been stabbed in the chest and the blade punctured his lung. He also has a concussion and two broken ribs. I need to act now to save him but I need to use magic to do so, do I have your consent?”

Fenris was surprised to hear the mage asking permission, but was not at all surprised when the mother immediately consented.

He watched the mage closely as he first healed the boy's lung and knit the stab wound back together. He assumed Anders healed the ribs next since he kept his hand on the boy's chest, then moved his hand to cradle the boy's head. Fenris watched as Anders focused on healing the concussion and felt relieved when the boy began to stir.

The mother cried out with joy when her son opened his eyes.

The little boy smiled at Anders and exclaimed, “Healer!”

“You gave us quite the scare, Jacyn.” Anders said, affectionately mussing up the child's hair before extracting his hand.

“Thank you healer!” The mother said, after she helped her son up, “You are a gift from the Maker.”

Anders just smiles at the woman and waves them off before slumping his shoulders and stumbling over to Fenris. The elf darted forward and grabbed the mage, worried he would fall over.

“That was a lot of magic you just used.” Fenris said guiding Anders over to a chair.

Fenris tried to prompt Anders to sit, but the mage refused to remove the arm around his waist. The elf sighed, feigning annoyance and sitting down.

Anders sat down on his lap and sighed contentedly when Fenris put his arms around him, then said, “See, that's much better.”

Fenris, one hand on the mage's thigh and one hand on the mage's stomach, had to agree.

“I find that I also prefer this.” Fenris said with a small smile.

After a moment of silence, Fenris remarked, “That woman would have lost her son today if not for you.”

“Yes.” Anders said, sadly, “If he had gotten here too much later, I might not have been able to save him.”

“You are extraordinarily kindhearted.” Fenris said, frustration seeping into his tone when he voiced his second thought, “I was a fool for not seeing so before.”

Anders scoffed, “I'm a fool for not seeing the same in you.”

Just as Fenris was going to respond, the pair heard an “Anders!” from the doorway.

Looking towards the voice, they found Merrill and Isabella staring at them in surprise.

“Did I miss something fun, boys?” Isabella asked, slowly raking her eyes over the two.

Fenris glared at her, but Anders just laughed, climbing out of the elf's lap and retorting, “Nothing you will ever know about.”

“No fair!” Isabella moaned.

“Come on Izzy, we didn't come here to harass the poor boys.” Merrill pipped up.

“I think the sight we walked in on answers the question 'are you ok'.” Isabella says, waggling her eyebrows at Anders and Fenris.

Anders just rolls his eyes, “For clarification, the correct answer to that question is 'mostly fine right now'.”

Merrill then burst out, “Varric told us that Templars attacked you! Lethallan, I am so sorry!”

She reached forward to touch Anders' hand, Anders flinched back then mumbled “Sorry.”

Merrill looked a little confused, but Isabella shot him an understanding look and said, “Don't be sorry, sweetheart. It's alright.”

Fenris put his arm are around the mage and squeezed reassuringly. He had been wondering what Anders’ reaction to touching someone besides him and felt moved the mage was so comfortable around him. Merrill looked even more confused when Anders' allowed Fenris’ touch and not hers, but Isabella shot her a look that clearly said not to comment.

“Do you think you'll be up for Wicked Grace tonight?” Isabella asked, trying to shift the conversation away from the uncomfortable topic for Anders.

Anders hesitated, clearly wanting to say yes but unsure if he will actually be up for socializing after a day of healing.

The mage was grateful when Fenris' answered for him, “I don't think so. The day has already been trying for Anders, I expect he will want to rest when he closes the clinic.”

Isabella raised her eyebrows but didn't comment beyond, “Just come down if you feel up to it but we'll all understand if you aren't.”

“It was nice to see you both!” Merrill said over her shoulder as Isabella led her out of the clinic.

When they were alone again, Anders turned to Fenris' and opened his mouth to say something but Fenris' cut him off.

“Don't thank me because you can't voice your needs.” Fenris said

Anders comically snapped his mouth shut and smiled at the elf sheepishly.

“How did you know that what I was going to say?” Anders asked, incredulously.

Fenris rolled his eyes and retorted, “You’re not as difficult to predict as you might think.”

Anders was saved from responding by a patient entering the clinic.

The rest of the morning saw Fenris' resuming his position at the mage’s desk, watching Anders care for his patients and occasionally fetching something for the mage.

At the next lull in activity, Fenris' asked the mage is he was hungry.

“Maker, yes.” Anders replied, finishing up with his 8th case of lung infection that day.

Fenris directed the mage away from his patients before asking him quietly, “Would you be alright if I left for a short while to get us lunch or is it alright for you to close the clinic for an hour?”

Anders looked around the clinic, frowning.

Fenris, reading the mage's expression, said, “Is there someone we could tell where we'll be eating in the case of an emergency?”

Anders smiled at Fenris’ suggestion. “I'll ask Tomwise to keep an eye out. I would rather not be here alone.”

“Finish up with your patients and then we can get lunch.”

The mage just grinned and greeted the teenage girl who walked in coughing. Fenris noted the mage had 9 cases of lung infection due to the cough going around, then focused his thoughts on what the man might want to have for lunch.

Fenris hadn't even noticed Anders was done with the last patient until the mage announced the clinic's temporary closure for lunch. Upon hearing the mage's words, he quickly stood up and went to the man's side.

Anders grabbed Fenris' hand and lead him out of the clinic, closing the door behind him.

“Did you have thoughts on lunch?” Anders asked as they walked to the entrance to Lowtown.

“Yes.” Fenris answered with a slight smirk, “The obvious option is the Hanged Man, but that depends on how you feel about being that loud and crowded environment. Option 2 is eat in the manor. Option 3, if you want to eat out but don't want to go to the Hanged Man, I've heard of a new tea parlor that also serves food in Hightown.”

Anders became visibly excited at the last suggestion, and asks, “Can we go to the tea place?”

Fenris squeezes the mages hand and answered, “Of course.”

Conveniently, they reached their decision before passing Tomwise’s booth, who happily agreed to keep an eye out for emergencies. Soon they were in Lowtown, and as they made their way towards the entrance to Hightown, Fenris asked the mage, “Do you usually treat this many people before lunch?”

Anders laughs, replying “I usually just don’t have lunch. Even on slow days, there’s a steady stream of people. A good day is when I have enough time to brew potions and make poultices between patients.”

Fenris felt concerned and both his facial expression and tone betrayed this when he said, “Fasta vass, m—Anders! You healed all day without eating? You really don't know how to care for yourself.”

The mage seemed startled by his reaction, “Maker Fenris, I usually ate breakfast at least! There's just always so much to do, I feel guilty stepping out even now.”

“I admire all you do to help others, but you must take care of yourself so you can function.” Fenris said, frustration slipping into his tone.

“I told you, I've never been good at that.” Anders said, shrugging.

Fenris shot back, forcefully, “Then I will take care of you!”

Anders stopped and stared at Fenris, an odd mixture of confusion, appreciation, fondness, and surprise on his face as he asked, “What?”

Fenris fidgeted uncomfortably and mumbled, “You heard me.”

The mage grinned, replying, “No I didn't, you're going to have to repeat that.”

Fenris scowled, but stepped closer to Anders and said, “If you refuse to care for yourself, then I will. I will not let you succumb to your low sense of self-worth.”

Anders stared at the elf, wide eyed and seemingly unable to come up with a response. Fenris didn't wait for one though, strengthening his grip on the mage's hand and leading him up the stairs to Hightown.

The mage was quiet the rest of their walk. Fenris didn't say anything either, instead focusing on trying to remember how to get to the small tea lounge he spotted last week.

The shop had a blessedly quiet and peaceful atmosphere. Fenris led Anders to a small table in the corner that offered the illusion of privacy. Anders read off the menu options for Fenris, both immediately voicing their preference for black teas and deciding on a pot of spiced black tea and sandwiches.

“Thank you,” Anders said, softly once Fenris got back from ordering their food, “for bringing me here. And for caring about my wellbeing in general.”

Fenris leaned forward and locked eyes with the mage, stating with grave seriousness, “I meant it when I said I would take care of you. It frustrates me greatly that my view of you was so skewed and that it took me seeing you hurt to correct my opinion of you.”

When Anders just stared at him wide-eyed, Fenris reached across the table and grasped the mage's hand again tightly. Anders looked down at their clasped hands displayed on the table, then looked at Fenris, eyes watery but with a bright smile on his face.

The moment was broken when the woman from behind the counter delivered their pot of tea and two tea cups, to which Fenris muttered a thank you.

The tea was delicious, sparking the exclamation, “I've already decided we are coming back at some point” from Fenris and an enthusiastic nod in agreement from Anders.

“I regret my view of you was skewed as well.” Anders admits after a moment of enjoying his tea, “The way you've acted around me the last couple days has changed my perspective. That, and you’re the only person I feel safe with.”

Fenris hesitates, before deciding to reveal his feelings further, “I feel very protective of you. And for some reason, I like touching you. I don't—touching others or being touched was always repellent but your touch is comforting.”

Anders stoked the back of the elf's clasped hand with his thumb and said, “I feel the same way. It's certainly unexpected but also quite nice.”

“Mmm-hmmm.” Fenris hummed in reply.

Their food arrived not long after, the first bite prompting another exclamation of future visits from Fenris. They both tried and failed to savor the food, quickly eating through the tray of mini sandwiches and drinking through their pot of tea.

“We should get back to the clinic.” Anders said after they finished their tea.

Fenris simply nodded in agreement and the two left, holding hands again.

They chatted on the walk back to Darktown, mostly about inconsequential things like planning on going back to that tea shop, inventory for the clinic, and how much Anders wants a cat. Fenris, however, felt this was the right time to bring up an idea he had while at the clinic.

“We spoke of this briefly, but I have a feeling I wasn’t taken seriously so I would like to clear the air.”

“Oh?” Anders asked, eyebrow quirked up in question.

Fenris nervously met the mage’s eyes and asked, “Will you live with me? Permanently?”

Anders looked like he was on the verge of tears while smiling widely, and responded with a happy, “Yes” before throwing his arms around Fenris in a very enthusiastic and tight hug.

Fenris didn’t care that they were hugging in the middle of the Lowtown market, he just held the mage tighter and let relief wash over him. He wasn’t necessarily expecting Anders to say no, but he feared that would be the case.

“When you said you wanted me to stay every night, I couldn’t believe it.” Anders said when they broke apart, “I really don’t understand why anyone would want me around that often, but I’m glad that you do.”

“I will convince you of your worth some day.” Fenris declared, grasping the mage’s hand and continuing their journey back to the clinic. Anders didn’t say anything to that but still wore an awed expression on his face.

There wasn't anyone waiting when Anders returned to open the clinic, for which Fenris was relieved. Anders took the spare moment to check over the clinic's inventory to check the mental list of supplies he needs he started on the walk back. He dashed to his desk and jotted down the list. Right as he finished writing the last item, a patient entered the clinic. Anders immediately put down his paper and quill to give the woman his full attention.

Fenris was content to watch the mage for a time. When he realized how late it was getting, he decided to go pack up some of Anders' clothes to bring home with them.

It was only when Fenris had slipped into the small bedroom and was searching for some kind of sack to use for transportation did he realize he had thought of the manor as _their_ home not _his_ home. He cursed under his breath and chastised himself for letting his emotions get carried away. Fenris shook his head, grabbed a bag he found hidden in the mage’s wardrobe, and started packing Anders’ clothes. Once the few items of clothing the mage owned were packed up, Fenris set the bag on the mage’s bed and went back into the main part of the clinic.

Fenris caught the mage’s gaze as soon as he stepped out of the side room. He felt guilty when Anders’ expression went from panic to relief as soon as he saw the elf.

“I apologize,” Fenris said, striding over to Anders and pulling him into a tight hug, “It was not my intention to worry you.”

“I would have checked that room eventually.” Anders says, feeling slightly ashamed at his reaction, “I just noticed you weren’t at my desk like you were all day and started panicking.”

Fenris rubbed soothing circles into the mage’s back and responded, “I’ll be sure to tell you next time I step out of sight.”

Anders just nodded into and held on tighter.

“I think it’s about time to head home.” Fenris said after a moment of silence, “I was packing up your clothes, but wasn’t sure what else you wanted to bring.”

Anders stepped back and shot Fenris a grateful smile, saying, “I really don’t have much, but having a small stock of potions, balms, and poultices on hand is always a good idea.”

Fenris watched Anders bustle around gathering his things and smiled at the mage, “Do you have anything besides clothes in your bedroom that you would like to bring?”

“Yes.” Anders says, putting what he gathered down on the desk and quickly heading into the side room. Fenris followed him in and watched the mage move the threadbare rug to reveal a trapdoor covering a small crawlspace.

“So, this me moving in with you.” the mage said wistfully as he grabbed the more personal items he kept out of the hidden space.

Fenris chuckled and repeated, “This is you moving in with me.”

Anders stopped what he was doing and looked up at Fenris with a wide, grateful smile, “Thank you. For everything.”

“Do not thank me.” Fenris said, hesitating before he continued lamely, “I . . . care about you.”

The already wide smile gracing Anders’ visage grew wider, but he said nothing else.

They finished packing without speaking. Anders had a few beat up books, his currently unfinished manifesto, some old journals, his Gray Warden pendant, and his staff stored in the hidden crawlspace, all of which were packed with the exception of the staff which Anders held.

“I just have my writing materials at my desk and that will be everything.” Anders said, moving to pick up his sack of items but Fenris beat him to it. Anders just chuckled and led the way back to the main portion of the clinic.

Anders made quick work of packing up his desk, haphazardly shoving the items into the sack Fenris held open for him. When he was done, Anders moved to grab the sack but Fenris threw it over his shoulder and raised his eyebrow at the mage.

“You know, I do have the ability to carry things.” Anders said with a huff, grabbing his staff.

Fenris chuckled at him, replied “I know”, then grabbed the mage’s hand and led him out of the clinic.

The pair continued to hold hands as they made their way home. Anders spent the trip enthusiastically telling Fenris about the patients he treated while Fenris smiled and once in a while gave some input.

When they arrived home, they could see Orana’s handiwork as soon as they opened the door. The mansion looked beautiful. The broken furniture was gone and every surface looked like it had been scrubbed. The mansion looked brighter and homier after a deep cleaning.

Fenris and Anders stared, slack-jawed. Anders recovered first, saying, “I’ll repeat what I said this morning. Orana is a goddess!”

“I agree.” Fenris said, blown away by how nice his home looks.

After another moment of them simply staring at the lack of mess, Anders said, “We should go over to Hawke’s to thank her!”

“Are you feeling up to that?” Fenris asked, concerned.

“I’m exhausted, but I could handle waiting 15 minutes before relaxing.”

Fenris put down the mage’s sack and replied, “I will pick you up and carry you home if I feel like you’re pushing yourself too hard.”

Anders sniggered, “I’m sure Hawke would love to see that.”

Fenris just rolled his eyes and let the mage lead him outside and to Hawke’s manor.

Standing on Hawke’s doorstep after Anders knocked made Fenris wonder if he should let go of the mage’s hand. As if sensing his thoughts, Anders looked at him and held on tighter. Fenris gave his hand a squeeze of reassurance right as Orana opened the door.

“Hello!” Orana exclaimed, ushering them into the house. “Messere Hawke is at the Hanged Man right now.”

“We’re actually here for you.” Anders said, smiling brightly at the woman.

“Thank you for all the work you did on my home.” Fenris said with intensity, “You did more than I would have ever asked.”

Orana blushed slightly at the thanks, “I’m always happy to help.”

“You did more than just help.” Fenris insisted, “Twice today Anders has exclaimed that you are a goddess.”

This somehow flustered Orana more, especially when Anders piped up “Only because she is!”

“You—you are very welcome then.” Orana said, positively beaming, “If you ever need any more help, please just ask.”

“Thank you again. Anders has had a long day, so we’ll take our leave now.” Fenris said, nodding his head at Orana.

Orana opened the door for them, the three of them exchanges goodbyes. Anders had a large smile plastered on his face as they walked home and Fenris found it difficult to keep a smile off his face as well.

Once they were back home, Anders sighed deeply and put an arm around Fenris’ waist.

“Why don’t we sit a moment before unpacking?” Fenris asked, guiding the mage into the main room and to the lounge they spent so much time on.

Anders sat down with a grateful sigh and wrapped his arms around Fenris when the elf sat beside him.

Fenris let the silence drag on a while before asking, “How are you feeling?”

Anders snorted, “More exhausted than I usually am after a day of healing. I’m sure anxiety is the cause of that. Having you there helped.”

“I’m glad my presence was a helpful one.”

Anders became a bit more serious at that, “I don’t think I would have been able to be there without you.”

Fenris held the mage closer, unsure of what to say. He can’t remember ever being considered a comforting presence and he suddenly feels the weight that responsibility brings. He knows he’s the only one Anders feels truly safe around now and if he is being honest with himself, he’s scared of inadvertently hurting the mage.

After a while, Fenris realized that Anders’ breathing had slowed and evened out. He looked down at the mage found his eyes had closed and he appeared to be sleeping. Fenris smiled softly at Anders, enjoying the peaceful look on the mage’s face. He didn’t even consider waking the mage, content to let Anders take a well-deserved nap before dinner.

The sun was setting by the time Anders woke. Fenris was idly playing with the mage’s hair when he felt the mage stiffen momentarily and let out a panicked gasp before relaxing once more and tightening his hold on Fenris.

“Anders?” Fenris asked quietly.

“I’m awake.” The mage mumbles into Fenris’ shoulder.

“Did you have a nice nap?” Fenris asked with a humor.

Anders laughed, “Yes, you’re very comfortable. I don’t know how I ever got any sleep without cuddling you.”

“Judging by the bags you always sported under your eyes, any sleep you did get was poor.” Fenris said, continuing to stroke the mage’s hair.

“Hey, that’s . . . actually an accurate assessment.” Anders knew there was no point in denying his terrible sleep patterns, “Sleep never came easily for me, especially since I moved to Kirkwall and added a clinic and working with the mage underground to my nightmares about Darkspawn and Templars.”

Fenris raised an eyebrow at the mage, “I would like to refer back to a conversation we had earlier about your inability to care for yourself.”

Anders playfully scowled up at Fenris.

Fenris snorted in amusement at the mage’s expression, then laughed heartily when Anders’ stomach growled loudly.

Anders blushed a deep red, but Fenris just said, “I suppose that means it’s time for dinner.”

“Yes please.” Anders said, still blushing. He moved off Fenris so the elf could get their food.

“Would you like wine with dinner?” Fenris asked as he stood up.

Anders nodded, then asked, “Would you like some help?”

Fenris waved him off, “No, just sit and relax.”

The elf quickly returned with their plates of food, 2 goblets, and a bottle of Antivan sweet red. Anders’ stomach made another comical noise of hunger when Fenris sat his plate in front of him.

Anders immediately dug into his meal, blushing bright red. Fenris chuckled and poured their wine before starting on his own food.

There was not much conversation beyond amicable chatting the rest of the evening. After they finished dinner, Anders tried to clear and wash up the plates but Fenris once again ordered him to sit and relax.

After Fenris cleaned up the remnants of their meal, the pair unpacked Anders’ things. Fenris suggested the mage claim the study for his writing and brewing. The elf smiled to himself when Anders enthusiastically placed the ceramic cat on the desk. The mage’s clothes went in Fenris’ room, their room now.

Once they were done, the pair spent the rest of the evening much like the previous one. Anders read while Fenris practiced his sword forms, though a more accurate description would be that Anders pretended to read his book and watched Fenris practice.

When Fenris caught Anders dozing off on the lounge, he announced it was time for bed.

Anders got to his feet unsteadily, grabbing hold of Fenris and allowing himself to be led upstairs and to bed.

The elf sat the mage down on the bed and threw the mage’s sleep shirt at him.

“I’ll leave you to change.” Fenris said, stepping out into the hall and closing the door.

He changed into his sleep clothes quickly, then gave the mage another minute or two before he knocked on the door, entering when Anders said he was clothed.

The sight of the mage curled up in his bed, his hair splayed across the pillow, continued to be unexpectedly pleasant for Fenris, though ‘unexpectedly pleasant’ could easily describe every aspect of his changed relationship with Anders. When Fenris crawled into bed and Anders immediately scooted close and wrapped his arms around him, the elf realized he wants to end every day with the mage in his arms.

“Can you come with me again tomorrow?” Anders asked, pointedly not looking at Fenris, “I know it must be terribly boring for you but I . . . I would appreciate your company.”

“I will come with you to your clinic whenever you need me to.” Fenris replies, brushing a stray lock out of the mage’s face.

Anders closed his eyes and hummed in contentment, nuzzling Fenris’ hand like a cat.

Fenris chuckled and ran his fingers through the mage’s hair, staring at the man fondly.

Not much later, Anders had drifted to sleep and Fenris found himself studying the mage’s face. He looked so peaceful in sleep, the weight of his responsibilities gone from his features for a time. The elf suddenly felt very emotional. He feels grateful Anders is so comfortable with him, enough to not only fall asleep in his presence but draw comfort from his presence. Fenris also felt once again ashamed at his previous antagonism towards the mage. He thought angrily on how he did not see the mage for who he truly is until he witnessed the Templars violating him, treating him as less than a person. Fenris has quite a bit of experience with this sort of treatment, but it breaks his heart that Anders has as well.

Finally, after a long while of fondly staring at the mage and attempting to sort out his feelings, Fenris joined the mage in sleep.

The next morning, Fenris woke first again. They changed positions while sleeping so that he now faced Anders' back, more accurately Anders' hair, with an arm flung around the mage's waist. The golden locks tickled his chin and neck and he carefully inched forward to close the small distance between their bodies. Fenris then realized he wasn’t woken up by a nightmare from the mage, so he took that as a good sign.

Fenris studied the mage while he slept, unwilling to rouse the mage from much needed sleep by getting out of bed. He saw the sun rising out of the corner of his eye through the window. Only when the room was swathed in light did Anders stir.

“G’morning.” Anders murmured sleepily, covering the hand Fenris had on his stomach with his own.

“Finally awake, are you?”

“How long have you been up?” Anders said, sounding a bit less like he was still in the fade dreaming.

“Since before dawn.”

“Maker’s breath!” Anders exclaimed, rolling over to face Fenris and putting his arm around the elf, “Why?”

Fenris snorted, “That’s just when I wake up.”

“Then I should be grateful you let me continue to sleep on you.” Anders said with a soft smile.

“Yes, you should.” Fenris drawled, his slight smile betraying his amusement.

Anders buried his face in the elf’s neck and nuzzled like a cat, sighing in contentment.

“I am not complaining, but do you plan on spending all day in bed?” Fenris said in a tone that was supposed to be exasperation but ended up being fondness.

Anders groaned into Fenris’ neck and tightened his hold on the elf. Fenris rolled his eyes but did not move, content to hold the mage a while longer.

After a few minutes of morning cuddling, Anders let out a long suffering sigh and declared it was probably time to get out of bed.

Fenris stayed still until Anders made the first move to get up, similarly reluctant to begin the day.

Much like the previous morning, Fenris dressed in the hall to allow Anders privacy and fetched their breakfast, two sweet rolls for the mage and an apple with a chunk of bread for himself.

Like yesterday, Anders was seated on the lounge when he returned with breakfast, but unlike yesterday the mage looked completely at ease sitting alone for a few moments. Fenris smiled at the progress, his smile widening at the look of excitement on Anders’ face when he saw the sweet rolls.

“How many did she make?” Anders asked, enthusiastically grabbing a roll and proceeding to devour it.

“There are two left after these.” Fenris said, sitting down next to the mage and upon seeing Anders’ expression added, “And yes, they’re both for you.”

Anders smiled brightly and launched himself at Fenris, almost knocking him over with the force of the hug. Fenris just chuckled, wrapping his arms around the mage to return the hug. The hug quickly stopped being just a hug and became a cuddle when they both refused to let go. Anders was the one to let go first, the sweet rolls too tempting to ignore for long.

They finished their meal in relative silence. Anders tried to clear the dishes, but Fenris grabbed them right out of his arms and marched to the kitchen ignoring the mage’s cry of, “I am a grown man who knows how to do dishes”.

The rest of the day passed much like the day before. Anders and Fenris spent the day in the mage’s clinic with a break for lunch at Fenris’ insistence. When they arrived back home, they sat together in the study this time since Anders had potions to brew for his clinic. Fenris found he enjoyed the look of concentration on the mage’s face as he brews. He liked just about every expression on the mage’s face, but that’s something he’s still uncomfortable admitting to himself. Just as he was uncomfortable admitting what the strong urge to protect the mage could mean.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was struggling with editing a couple parts of this, but in the end I just had to post it and move on.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders and Fenris join their friends for Wicked Grace night and then talk about their feelings.

 

The days bled together and soon a week had passed since Anders’ attack. Fenris and Anders would hardly let each other out of their sights, spending their days in the mage’s clinic and evenings curled up together in the elf’s manor.

Anders was acting more and more like himself as the days went on. They even had an argument, though it lacked the venom their arguments used to have. Fenris took the argument as a milestone in the mage’s recovery and had a difficult time not smiling while Anders attempted to give him a verbal dressing down.

When Wicked Grace night came around a couple days later, Anders was the one who suggested they go.

Fenris was glad the mage felt up to a night with their friends, but could not stop himself from asking, “Are you sure?” so often Anders lost his patience.

“Yes, I’m bloody well sure!” Anders exclaimed in annoyance after the fifth time Fenris asked.

Fenris put his hands up in surrender, but added, “We can leave any time you want.”

Anders’ annoyance melted away. He stepped closer, grabbed Fenris’ hand, and said, “I know, that’s why I’m sure. I know you won’t let anyone bother me if I need to leave early. Not that they would, our friends have been treating me like I’m made of glass.”

Fenris pulled Anders into a hug, saying in the mage’s ear, “They don’t want to accidently cause you more pain. I’m sure a night of Wicked Grace will belay their concerns.”

Anders returned the embrace tightly. After a moment, he said quietly, “I’m worried about that too. I don’t want them to see that I’m not all fine.”

“That’s precisely why I’ve been asking if you’re sure. I don’t want you to push yourself too hard.” Fenris could almost hear the mage roll his eyes as he said that.

“Good thing I have a handsome knight to carry me home if I do.” Anders said, pulling back to look at Fenris playfully.

Fenris snorts, “I suggest you don’t drink enough to need carrying home.”

“I don’t know,” Anders said playfully, “Justice isn’t complaining so I might need to indulge tonight.”

Fenris let out a long suffering sigh, “I am not above cutting you off.”

Anders fake pouted, “What if I want you to carry me home?”

“We’ll see.” Fenris said with a chuckle, “We shouldn’t keep them waiting much longer, though.”

Anders closed his eyes and took a deep breath, seeming to collect himself before saying, “Ok.”

Fenris gave the mage a searching look before grabbing his hand and leading him to the door.

The closer they get to the Hanged Man, the tighter Anders gripped his hand. When they found themselves outside the tavern, Anders froze at the loud atmosphere they could hear through the door.

Fenris gave the mage’s hand a reassuring squeeze, for which Anders shot him a grateful smile before stepping forward and opening the door.

Anders’ grip on Fenris’ hand was bordering on painful, but Fenris didn’t mind. He led them past Corff who shouted a hello at the pair as they made their way up to Varric’s room.

When they opened the door, they were met with a chorus of “Anders!”

Anders looked a bit flustered but still smiled widely at their friends. Fenris led him to a small bench that had been brought around the table, ignoring the looks thrown at him when their friends noticed their held hands.

“You’re looking better, Blondie.” Varric remarked

“Yes, lethallan, you look rested!” Merrill said, beaming.

Hawke jumped in next, “I have to admit, I was worried about you two shacking up together. Glad I’ve been proven wrong.”

Anders laughs, “Fenris is quite the mother hen when he wants to be.”

Fenris shot a playful glare at the mage, “Someone has to make up for your lacking sense of self preservation.”

The mage looked at Fenris with a soft smile and said, “I suppose that’s true.”

Their friends quieted down to watch the exchange, most with shocked expressions.

“Well you two seem very comfortable together.” Isabella said, smirking, “If I didn’t know better, I’d say—“

Fenris, Hawke, and Aveline all glared at her to indicate that she was not to finish that sentence.

“I’d say that you have been spending a lot of time together.” Isabella finished.

Anders snorted, “Probably because we have.”

Fenris squeezed Anders’ hand that he still had clasped in his, then said, “I think it’s time we started to catch up on drinks, what would you like Anders?”

“You’re actually drinking tonight, Anders?” Hawke asked with raised eyebrows.

“Justice isn’t protesting tonight.” Anders said with a shrug, then addressed Fenris, “I don’t even know what the Hanged Man has.”

“You’d like the hard cider they have this time of year or the Fereldan Ale Corff keeps hidden.” Fenris supplied.

“Cider sounds fantastic right now.” Anders said enthusiastically.

“Could you get me another lager while you’re up?” Varric asked Fenris.

“I’m not getting up.” Fenris said, “Would someone get our drinks?”

“Do you not have legs?” Aveline asked with a raised eyebrow.

Fenris shot her a withering look, until Anders leaned close and said in his ear, “I’ll be fine without you for a few minutes.”

Fenris gave him an appraising look before standing up and offering to put in everyone’s drink orders. He didn’t like leaving Anders in a social situation he is obviously not entirely comfortable with yet, but he trusts Anders would not lie to him about being fine.

He orders the drinks, grabbing his and Anders’ ciders and asking Corff to send someone up to Varric’s room with the rest of the order.

Fenris rushed back to Anders as quickly as he could without spilling their drinks. He was greeted with the sight of a very red-faced Anders pointedly looking away from a cackling Isabella. Fenris had to suppress the growl, opting instead to simply glare at the woman as he made his way back to his mage which only made Isabella laugh harder and deepened the shade of red Anders was blushing.

He handed Anders his drink before resuming his seat next to the mage who immediately grabbed his hand under the table and scooted closer to him.

Fenris ignored the odd looks they were getting from their friends and watched Anders’ face intently when the mage took tried his drink.

A large grin broke out across Anders’ face and he announced to Fenris, “You were right, I do like this!”

Fenris hid his smile by taking a large sip of his own cider.

Soon, a barmaid had delivered the rest of the group’s drinks.

“Are you two playing tonight?” Varric said, passing the deck to Hawke to cut.

Anders hesitated for a moment, so Fenris cut in, “I’m going to sit the first round out, but I’m sure Anders would like to play.”

“I’m sure Merrill and Hawke will appreciate the break from losing.” Aveline said with chuckle.

“Hey!” Hawke protested, “I was having a bad night last week.”

Everyone laughed loudly, but not loudly enough to miss Isabella say, “Sweetheart, you have a bad night every week.” Which only made everyone laugh harder.

Once the laughter died down, Varric dealt the cards.

Anders took a large gulp of his drink to prepare himself for what he obviously expected to be a humiliating loss. Fenris let go of the mage’s hand and wrapped his arm around Ander’s waist, pulling him so close he was practically sitting on Fenris’ lap.

“Remember how much you improved at Diamondback with some help?” Fenris whispered in Anders’ ear, “Imagine how frustrated Hawke is going to get when he loses to you.”

Anders nearly spit his drink out laughing.

“Did I miss something funny?” Merrill asked

Varric eyed Anders and Fenris and said, “You and the rest of the table.”

“Do you want to share with the class?” Isabella yelled from her end of the table

“Not particularly.” Fenris said with a shrug

With Fenris’ help, Anders managed to be halfway decent at Wicked Grace. He was still awful at bluffing, but with Fenris’ coaching he starting picking up on the strategy. It also helped that Fenris would whisper inform the mage whenever he caught someone bluffing.

“Is there a no teams rule?” Hawke asked, aggravated at his continued losses.

“Dealer says they can be a team.” Varric said, “This is way too funny to shut down.”

“Can I be on a team?” Merrill asked after losing most of her coin.

Isabella shot Fenris a predatory look and replied, “Would you like to be on my team, kitten?”

Hawke groaned when Merrill enthusiastically responded, “Yes!”

“As much as I would like to see the whore corrupt her, I have to call it a night.” Aveline said, finishing the last of her ale.

The group all said their goodbyes, took advantage of the pause to get refills, and then continued to play.

It became obvious to Fenris that Anders had grown unaccustomed to drinking when he started acting tipsy after his third cider. After another three ciders, Fenris took over playing their hand.

“It’s such a treat to see you drunk again sweet thing.” Isabella said, smiling fondly at Anders, “You never give yourself a break.”

“Can’t hold my alcohol like I used to, that’s for sure.” Anders said with minimal slurring, then asked Fenris, “Can I get another?”

“Remember the conversation we had about you not drinking so much that you’ll need to be carried home?” Fenris said with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes, and then I said ‘what if I want to be carried home’, which I do.” Anders declared with a devious grin. He snatched Fenris’ cider and drank it down while locking eyes with the elf.

Fenris just rolled his eyes and fondly said to the mage, “I think you’ve had enough for tonight. How about a glass of water?”

Anders just cuddled closer to Fenris and mumbled, “I don’t want you to move.”

Their friends, who until then were exercising great restraint in not commenting on their changed relationship but, were completely bewildered by this exchange. Isabella looked gleeful, Hawke and Merrill looked confused and curious, and Varric was completely unfazed and amusedly staring at Hawke’s expression.

“We will be taking our leave once this hand is done.” Fenris announced to the group

Anders mumbled into the elf’s neck, “Then we can cuddle.”

Apparently Anders was loud enough for the rest of the room to hear, because Isabella chimed in, “Ooooo, is that what you two have been up to while avoiding us?”

“Yea, I also want to know what this is and when it happened.” Hawke demanded

“Okay, stop badgering them. I want to finish this hand some time tonight.” Varric said, saving Hawke from the scathing comment Fenris was preparing.

They finished the hand without any more comments on the closeness between Fenris and Anders. Fenris collected his winnings and pulled Anders into a standing position.

“Thank you for the game but it's time for us to leave for the night.” Fenris said

They left Varric's room to a chorus of goodbyes from their friends. Fenris stopped by the bar to pay his tab, then ushered Anders outside. The mage was leaning on him heavily and giggling.

“Carry me?” Anders slurred, looking at Fenris with an adorable, pleading expression.

“I'm not carrying you all the way up those stairs.” Fenris said, but then continued at the heartbroken look Anders gave him, “But I will carry you once we make it to Hightown.”

“Yes!” Anders exclaimed, far too loud for the late hour.

Fenris shushed him and guided the drunk mage to the stairs leading to Hightown.

The journey up the stairs was slow, Fenris had a tight grip on the mage's waist and had to hold him up multiple times when he stumbled. When they reached the top, Anders turned toward Fenris with a gleeful expression and threw his arms around the elf's neck. Fenris sighed in exasperation, moved the arm not around the mage's waist to hook behind his knees, and picked Anders up.

Anders giggled drunkenly and nuzzled his face into Fenris' neck. Though he would hesitate to admit it, Fenris thought the mage's drunk antics were adorable and endearing. He was also incredibly proud of the mage for how well he handled socializing.

Soon Fenris found himself in front of his door. He shifted Anders slightly so he could grasp the doorknob, quickly ushering them into the house.

“Mmmmm, is it cuddle time?” Anders asked, blinking at him.

“I think first it should be water time.” Fenris said, bringing the mage over to the lounge and setting him down. At least, he attempted to set the mage down. Anders refused to let go when Fenris set him down and almost brought the elf down on top of him.

“Let go for a moment, I need to get you some water or you’ll be miserable tomorrow morning.”

Anders made a whining noise, but let go of Fenris’ neck.

Fenris quickly fetched the water, bringing the mage a goblet and a pitcher to refill. Anders took the water without protest when Fenris handed it to him and gulped it down.

When he was finished, Anders looked up at him and asked, “Is it cuddle time now?”

“Mmm-hmm.” Fenris hummed in affirmation, picking the mage back and carrying him to bed.

Anders nuzzled into the elf’s neck and sighed contentedly as he was carefully carried up the stairs and to their bedroom.

When Fenris carefully laid Anders down on the bed, the mage refused to let go of the elf’s neck once again.

Fenris, awkwardly bent over the mage, said “You need to let go of me for a moment.”

Anders grinned and shook his head, attempting to pull Fenris on to the bed.

“Do you really want to sleep in your clothes?” Fenris asked, exasperated.

“Too tired.” Was Anders’ response.

Fenris sighed and nudged the mage over so he could lay down as well. When Anders realized he won, he shouted a wordless cry of victory and pressed himself as close to the elf as possible when Fenris laid down. Fenris wrapped his arms around the mage and set his chin on top of his head, attempting to be annoyed at the mage’s antics but instead he felt a flare of warmth and affection for Anders.

“Thanks for tonight.” Anders mumbled into the elf’s chest, sounding a bit less intoxicated but still slurring, “I haven’t had fun like that in years.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.” Fenris said, pulling the mage’s tie out of his hair so he could run his fingers through the golden locks.

“Justice is much less of a spoil-sport when he can strongly feel the fade.” Anders said with a giggle.

Fenris rolled his eyes, “I think everyone noticed. Isabella looked like her birthday came early.”

Anders cackled, “And Hawke’s face when he lost was the best!”

Fenris chuckled and Anders continued to giggle drunkenly.

“You should try to sleep.” Fenris said, pulling the blanket over them both.

“But ‘m not tired.” Anders whined, pulling back to look at Fenris beseechingly.

Fenris just raised his eyebrow, so Anders tried a different tactic, “Okay I just don’t want to sleep yet.”

Fenris let out an exasperated sigh and relented, asking, “What do you propose?”

“Just this.” Anders grinned, “I just want to talk and cuddle.”

“What about?”

Anders blushed slightly and said, “I always liked you even when you said annoying things about mages.”

That was not what Fenris was expecting and his hand froze in the mage’s hair. Anders seemed to take his stunned silence as an invitation to continue, “Sometimes I would say things that I know would rile you up so you would talk to me.”

Fenris was taken aback by this and also confused as to why the mage felt the need to tell him now.

“I’m sorry I made you feel antagonism was the only way to speak with me.” He said after a moment of silence.

“Just wanted to tell you that.” Anders mumbled, “If I wasn’t drunk I would be too embarrassed.”

Fenris chuckled lightly and resumed running his fingers through the mage’s hair.

In returned, Anders reached up and threaded his fingers through Fenris’ much shorter hair, sighing, “Your hair is so pretty.”

“Not as pretty as yours.” Fenris replied, brushing a stray lock out of the mage’s face.

Anders smiled brightly, bringing his hand from the top of Fenris’ head to the back of his neck to play with the short hairs there.

Right when Fenris thought Anders might be ready to fall asleep, the mage mumbled sleepily, “Sometimes you remind me of Karl.”

Fenris’ eyes widened. He didn’t know how he felt about reminding the mage of his dead love.

Anders continued, oblivious to Fenris’ internal conflict, “He would hold me after the Templars hurt me too. He would tell me he would protect me even though we both knew there was nothing he could do. But I know there’s something you can do and you did it.”

A tear ran down Anders’ cheek and Fenris wiped it away with his thumb. His heart hurt for the man in his arms.

Fenris looked into the mage’s golden-brown eyes and said earnestly, “I would not offer you empty promises. You are free from the circle and I will do everything in my power to ensure you stay free and away from the Templars.”

Anders took a deep, shaky breath as if he was holding back more tears, and said in a small voice, “I know, but I don’t understand why.”

“Because you don’t deserve the abuse you suffered and it pains me to think about you suffering more.” Fenris said with more force than he intended.

Anders looked at him with eyes widened with shock. After a moment his expression softened and he looked at Fenris with such vulnerability in his eyes the elf could not name any of the emotions the situation evoked.

Fenris settled on simply saying, “You should get some sleep. You’re going to regret staying up tomorrow morning.”

Anders looked away from Fenris for a moment, a light blush creeping across his cheeks as he said, “One more thing.”

“Mmm?” Fenris hummed

Anders hesitated for a moment before closing the small gap between them and planting a chaste kiss on Fenris’ lips.

The mage quickly pulled away then buried his face in Fenris’ chest, saying, “Now I can sleep.”

Fenris was exceedingly surprised by the mage’s action and could only think to say, “We will need to talk about what just happened tomorrow when you are not intoxicated.”

Anders mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like “Spoil-sport” into the elf’s chest, then wrapped an arm around Fenris’ waist.

The elf rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything, hoping silence would lull the mage to sleep.

It didn’t take long for Anders to be sound asleep, unsurprising after the amount of alcohol he consumed. Fenris thought over the mage’s behavior when they returned from the Hanged Man. He still didn’t know how to feel about being compared to Karl. It wasn’t the fact that Karl was a mage that bothered him, which was surprising in itself, but it was Anders comparing him to his dead lover that stung. It hurt to think he might just be a Karl-substitute for the mage. The kiss was also concerning. Not only was it the first time in Fenris’ memory that he had kissed someone, it also reminded him all too well of his time as a slave when he was conditioned to repay kindness with his body. The elf desperately hoped that’s not what Anders was feeling when he kissed him, because though he felt guilty for feeling this way he enjoyed the moment their lips touched. The realization that he wanted to kiss Anders again hit him hard. Fenris internally berated himself for this line of thinking. The mage was not emotionally well so soon after his attack and suddenly Fenris became very worried about the conversation they will have when the mage wakes up.

After what was at least an hour of agonizing over the kiss and the reference to Karl, Fenris was finally able to drift off to sleep.

The next morning when Fenris awoke, it was to soft snores coming from the mage. Fenris had to restrain himself from laughing. Anders was sprawled out on his back, his hair chaotically splayed across the pillow. The morning sun coming in through the window was hitting the mage’s hair in the just the right way to emphasize the red undertone to the blond and Fenris was captivated by the sight. He slowly crept a hand forward to grasp the mage’s lightly. Anders murmured and turned towards the elf, his snores stopping though he was still very asleep. As he does every morning, Fenris lays in bed and awaits the mage waking up.

Anders slept much later than normal, as expected from how drunk he was the night before. When he does wake, he slowly opens his eyes and squints at Fenris and groans.

“Maker, this is what I don’t miss about drinking.” Anders groaned, holding his head, “I did not drink enough water last night.”

“Not for lack of trying on my part.” Fenris said, rolling his eyes.

“Yes, yes I know.” Anders grumped at him. His eyes suddenly widened, “Oh maker I kissed you last night.”

Fenris attempted to be nonchalant, saying, “I'd say it was more lip touching than kissing.”

Anders playfully hit his shoulder but sobered when he said, “I'm sorry, I get really affectionate when I drink. More so than usual.”

“I admit I was concerned by the implications.” Fenris said.

Anders flushed and stuttered, “I—I'm sorry for assuming that would be welcomed. I was pretty drunk, otherwise I wouldn't have just--”

Fenris cut him off, “You misunderstand, I was concerned you felt obligated in some way. After talking about Karl, you didn't seem to be in a good emotional state.”

Anders looked away and sighed, muttering, “Of course I talked about Karl.”

“I assume you didn't talk much about what happened to him?” Fenris asked, softly.

The mage just shook his head and said, “I didn't kiss you because you sometimes make me think of Karl, you know.”

“Oh?” Fenris inquired, not with an accusatory tone just curiosity.

“No, I kissed you because I wanted to and I have wanted to for a long time. My drunk mind told me 'just go for it now that he can actually stand your presence'.” Anders admitted, “I'm sorry though, I should have had more control. I really hope this doesn't change how things have been recently between us.”

Fenris reached over and cupped the mage's face tenderly, “What would you say if I said I would like to try that again now that you're sober?”

Anders looked at him in shock, apparently not considering that the kiss might have been welcomed, “Is that what you're saying? Because if so I'm all for that!”

Fenris leaned a bit closer to the mage's face and asked, “May I?”

Anders responded by closing the gap between them and pressing his lips against Fenris'. Fenris slid his hand from the mage's face to the back of his neck and tentatively darted his tongue out to lick the mage's lips. Anders sighed and opened his mouth, Fenris slipping his tongue into the mage's mouth and exploring. The mage closed his eyes, a look of bliss gracing his visage.

After lying in bed exploring each other's mouths for a while, Anders finally pulled away to ask cheekily, “Can this be a regular occurrence?”

Fenris chuckled, “As regular as you would like.”

“And what about other things that usually come after kissing?” Anders asking apprehensively.

Fenris levied Anders with a serious look, “I must admit, that is something I thought about even before. However, I assure you I will gladly follow your pace for the physical aspect of our relationship.”

Anders leaned in and kissed him again, rather enthusiastically. Fenris held the mage close and basked in the warm feeling Anders evoked in him. He didn’t add that he had his own hesitancies about being physically intimate with another person for similar reasons to Anders’ hesitation.

“Are you feeling up to breakfast?” Fenris inquired after a while.

“Andraste's flaming tits, yes!” Anders exclaimed so loudly he winced, then continued in a quieter tone, “Drinking always makes me very hungry the next day.”

“You're always hungry.” Fenris quipped, “I have no idea where you store all that food.”

Anders laughed loudly, making himself wince again from the headache, explaining, “It's a Gray Warden thing. Something about the Taint makes us need more calories.”

Fenris narrowed his eyes at the mage, “And you saw fit to skip meals even so?”

Anders blushed and looked away from the elf. Fenris wasn't having that and carefully cupped the mage's face, applying slight pressure not forcing more asking Anders to look at him without words. Anders took a deep breath and looking up to lock eyes with Fenris.

“I'm not angry, if that is what you feared.” Fenris said, carefully, “I'm simply worried and wish to understand why you neglect yourself when left to your own devices.”

“Suffering isn't going to stop because I need to take a lunch break!” Anders says, forcefully, “It's not going to stop if I'm hurt, or because I'm too scared to be alone, or because I need to sleep. Why is my comfort more important than the needs of my patients who have nowhere else to go?”

“How much did your spirit influence that train of thought?” Fenris asked, shooting Anders a stern but mostly concerned look.

“Did you seriously just . . . ask. . .” Anders trailed off with a thoughtful, far-away look on his face.

Fenris gave him a moment to think about that, moving his hand to play with the mage's hair.

“Vengeance exacerbated a problem I already had.” Anders admitted after a while.

Fenris raised his eyebrows, “Vengeance?”

Anders let out a long breath, “Now that Justice is feeling like himself, he sees how the merging changed us as well and thinks it best to refer to his two sides separately.”

“A corrupted spirit sounds dangerous.” Fenris said, frowning deeply.

“It is dangerous.” Anders whispered, unsuccessfully hiding the fear in his eyes, “Justice has been stewing over what to do and told me my focus should be on repairing my mind.”

Justice was constantly surprising Fenris who responded with, “As much as it pains me to say this, I agree with your spirit.”

“Did those words just come out of your mouth?” Anders asked cheekily despite his shock.

“Well, I partially agree.” Fenris said, “I don't want your spirit to be the only one looking into the matter, but I agree you can't worry about that right now.”

Anders laughed, “Mark this day down in history. Justice and Fenris agree on something!”

“Don't push it.” Fenris said with narrowed eyes.

“Fine, but can it be breakfast time then?” Anders said, widening his eyes in a playful manner.

Fenris gets up and chuckles, “Yes, we can feed the bottomless pit you call a stomach.”

Anders shot him a mock glare, but couldn't hold it for long and dissolved into giggles as rolls out of bed.

Fenris is struck for a moment by a feeling of deep fondness for the absurd mage along with gratitude for his changed relationship with Anders. The moment passes and he follows Anders out to their customary breakfast spot on the lounge. They had moved on to the table for other meals, but to begin the day they enjoyed sitting close while eating. Fenris insists, as always, that he get breakfast. He relented in his coddling other times, but he knew how groggy Anders is right after he wakes up and he worried too much about the mage stumbling around the kitchen half-asleep to let him fetch breakfast.

Fenris returns with berry muffins for Anders and a bowl of nuts and a few cheese slices for himself. They had taken to stopping by a bakery on their way back from the clinic so Fenris could indulge Anders in his love of pastries for breakfast. Anders was always very vocally appreciative, especially when it came to sweets. Also physically appreciative, always giving Fenris a tight hug while exclaiming his thanks. Fenris enjoyed the contact with Anders far more than he ever thought he would enjoy touching any person after his previous experiences with touch that were almost entirely non-consensual, much less a mage.

They finished their breakfast, dressed, then made their way to Darktown. After the late start to the day, the kissing development, and the serious conversation, the rest of the day passed as normal. The pair had an unspoken agreement that the new development in their relationship should be kept behind closed door for the moment. The days passed, the only change being that cuddling tends to lead to enthusiastic kissing, but nothing beyond that for now.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders and Fenris let their relationship become more physical and Anders gets a cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly didn't think I'd return to this story, but here I am. I lost the flashdrive that housed this story last year and I was so pissed off that I couldn't rewrite this for the longest time.

Months have passed since Anders was attacked in his clinic by Templars. The Templar order was surprisingly unconcerned with the disappearance of three of its recruits, though information obtained by Varric’s men suggest the recruits were involved in an illegal mabari fighting ring so Meredith’s lack of concern most likely stems from that. With no evidence to the contrary and no families to push for a more thorough investigation, Meredith chalked their disappearances up to those illicit activities.

Anders was slowly recovering from the trauma, able to handle crowds and physical contact with people who aren’t Fenris more and more. He was not going on missions with Hawk yet and by extension neither was Fenris, but little by little Anders was becoming his old self again.

He still is uncomfortable being left alone, but Anders decided the time has come to force himself to be alone for short amounts of time to deal with his fear of being attacked.

“Are you sure you’ll be alright?” Fenris asked for the fifth time, stopping in the doorway on his way out of his manor.

Anders took a shaky breath, but replied in a confident tone, “It won’t be long, right? You’re just going to pick up your bracers from the armorer and stop by Bertha’s pastry shop on the way back.”

“I’ll be as quick as I can.” Fenris said, shooting Anders a pained expression as he stepped out the door.

Anders let out a small chuckle, “Don’t go too fast, I need to make myself learn how to be alone again.”

“I’ll be back soon, Anders.” Fenris said with a serious expression before slowly closing the door to his manor.

Fenris tried his best not to sprint all the way to Lowtown to pick his newly repaired bracers up from the armorer he sees and instead walked as fast as he was able. This being only the second solo excursion he’s taken with Anders alone at home, Fenris felt on the verge of panic himself worrying over his mage.

After picking up his bracers and paying for the repairs, Fenris used all his willpower to slow his gait to a normal walk for the rest of his journey. Though it pains him to think of Anders scared and alone, he keeps telling himself that Anders is safe.

The fears Fenris began to have over leaving Anders alone was a surprising development for them both. After months of rarely leaving the mage’s side, Fenris began to worry about what could happen if he wasn’t around to protect his mage. Anders is a powerful man who can hold his own in a fight and Fenris has seen his power first hand, but the images of the attack on Anders that changed both their lives are burned into his memory. He sees a broken and bloody Anders in his mind whenever Anders is not in view. He knows he should talk to Anders about this, and he has spoken with Anders about his hesitation to leave the mage in the presence of others or alone, but he hasn’t articulated the extent of the distress being away from Anders causes him.

Fenris took a deep breath and forced his thoughts to cease for a few moments.

“Just go to the pastry shop and then you can run home.” Fenris muttered to himself, speeding up his gait as Anders’ favorite shop comes into sight.

“Where’s Anders today?” Bertha, the kind old woman who owns the shop, asked when Fenris stepped up to the counter alone.

Fenris forced what he hoped looked like a natural smile onto his face, “He’s at home letting me run the errands today, Bertha.”

“Tell him I better see him tomorrow. I have a new cake recipe I want him to test!” Bertha said, smiling warmly at Fenris, “Now what does our boy want today?”

“A couple of those lemon cookies he loves and a couple of cinnamon rolls.” Fenris replied, shooting Bertha a smile that felt far more genuine.

He paid for the food and said goodbye to Bertha, promising her that he’ll bring Anders by tomorrow for lunch so he can sample the cake she made him.

Remembering his promise to Anders, Fenris slowed his walk and forced himself to take the rest of his path home at a normal pace.

Right before reaching the stairs leading up to Hightown, Fenris heard a quiet squeak coming from the alleyway to his right. He stopped, looking down the alleyway but seeing nothing. Just as Fenris decides to keep going, he hears the noise again.

Curious, Fenris slowly walks into the alley, listening for the noise. Louder this time, Fenris hears a squeak coming from behind the barrels to his left. Looking behind the barrels, Fenris is surprised to see a small kitten.

The kitten looked a Fenris for a moment before meowing loudly and wiggling out from behind the barrels. Once it was loose, the kitten just stood there, shaking and staring into Fenris’ eyes. Fenris cautiously reaches his hand out and allows the small creature to sniff him before he carefully puts his hand around it and lifts it up, holding it to his chest.

To his surprise, the kitten immediately starts purring. Fenris walks home as quickly as he could, though this time not because of the man waiting for him there.

Reaching his manor, he quickly opens the door and calls out “Anders?”

“In the library.” Fenris hears Anders yell back.

He rushes to the library, dropping his bracers and their food on the lounge seat in the main room on his way.

“I found someone that needs your help.” Fenris says as he steps into the library.

Anders pokes his head out from behind one of the bookshelves looking confused until he saw the small kitten in Fenris’ hands. Once he saw the cat, his face lit up and he rushed toward Fenris.

“Where did you find them?” Anders asked as he took the cat from Fenris’ hands.

“In an alleyway in Lowtown.” Fenris answered

“Now how did you end up there all by yourself?” Anders cooed at the cat who was rubbing its face against Anders’ hands and purring.

“She’s malnourished but is otherwise healthy.” Anders said after performing a diagnostic spell.

Anders smiled widely and pet and cooed at the cat for a few minutes while Fenris stared on, smiling. When Anders realized he was being watched, he blushed but didn’t stop.

“What are you going to name her?” Fenris asked after a few more minutes.

Anders’ face brightened, like he was so enamored with the kitten that he hadn’t even considered Fenris might have brought her home to keep.

“I’m not sure yet, but I’ll think of something once I know her personality a bit better.” Anders locked eyes with Fenris and added, “Thank you. I’ve wanted a cat since I lost Ser Pounce-A-Lot, but I’m afraid they get eaten in Darktown.”

“How did you do staying here alone?” Fenris asked, leading Anders over to sit down on the chaise together.

“Better than last time.” Anders said, putting the cat down on his lap and snuggling up to Fenris, “I didn’t panic and was able to concentrate on reading.”

Fenris smiled softly and pulled Anders close, “I’m glad. I’m starting to think I am the one these exercises are actually for.”

Anders snorted, “You’re such a mother hen!”

Fenris rolled his eyes, “Only to mages who can’t seem to care for themselves.”

“Hey, I’m getting better at that!” Anders said in mock indignation.

“Marginally.” Fenris relented, “And not by choice.”

Anders laughed heartily, “Fair enough.”

After a long pause, Anders asked with hesitation “Do you want to talk about how you felt out and about without me?”

When Fenris didn’t say anything, Anders continued, “Because I’m not the only who gets to have anxiety and difficult emotions. I don’t want you to think you have to be the strong one all the time.”

Fenris lets out a shaky sigh and pulls Anders closer to him before saying, “I keep seeing you broken and bloodied by those Templars. Whenever I don’t have you in my sight, that’s all I can think about.”

A tear runs down Fenris’ face as he finishes, “And then I think about being too late.”

The kitten jumps off Anders’ lap as he turns so his whole body is facing Fenris. Anders pulls Fenris into a tight hug and says, “But you weren’t too late. You stopped them, Fenris, and you cared for me when I needed you most.”

Fenris hugs Anders back so tight it almost hurts. He feels his body shaking with the force of his emotions. Anders speaks softly into his ear and rubs his quivering back.

Fenris was so overcome with the thought of Anders hurt that he almost didn’t hear Anders murmur “It’s ok. I love you and I’m not going anywhere.”

His breath hitched, and he pulled away to look into Anders’ wide eyes. Anders looked flustered by his admission but met Fenris’ stare confidently.

Slowly, Fenris moved his face close to Anders’ and softly met his lips in a kiss. Anders’ eyes widened in surprise for a moment before they closed, and he pulled Fenris closer, parting his lips to invite the elf’s tongue into his mouth. Fenris moaned and took the offer to explore Anders’ mouth, moving a hand up to play with Anders’ golden hair. He pulled Anders onto his lap and rested his hands low on his partner’s hips. Anders moaned louder and pressed himself as close to Fenris as possible, his rapidly hardening dick now pressed against Fenris’.

After several minutes of enthusiastic kissing, Fenris pulled away and rested his forehead against Anders’. Both were breathing heavily and smiling. Their hard cocks were still pressed together, causing

Fenris to moan deeply when Anders shifted in his lap. Anders looked down at their touching crotches, deep in thought.

“Can I try something?” Anders asked after a few moments of hesitation.

“What do you have in mind?” Fenris asked, his dual emotions of need and concern for Anders warring.

Anders took a deep breath and said in a rush, “I really want to suck your cock.”

Fenris raised his eyebrows in surprise but quickly groaned out “Are you sure?”

Anders slowly got off Fenris’ lap and kneeled before the chaise. He settled himself between Fenris’ spread legs and said, “I’ve thought about this for a long time and I’m starting to get bored with just fantasizing about you.”

Fenris moaned loudly and hastily pulled down his pants. Anders wasn’t the only one who fantasized about this, Fenris spent plenty of time feeling guilty about masturbating to the thought of Anders sucking his cock.

As soon as Fenris’ lower half was bared to Anders, the mage gasped and stared at the elf’s erect penis.

Fenris felt self-conscious being on the receiving end of such an intense gaze, until Anders said in a hushed voice, “Maker, you’re so gorgeous Fenris.”

Fenris hummed in satisfaction, then jerked his hips up when he felt Anders touch his cock.

With his eyes locked with Fenris’, Anders slowly leaned forward kissed Fenris’ dick softly. The elf moaned and without thinking put a hand on the back of his mage’s head.

Anders stiffened for a moment, but before Fenris could move his hand, the mage moaned and started licking up and down Fenris’ shaft. Fenris was overcome with the feeling. He had never experienced anything sexual that had consented to, let alone anything sexual that is pleasurable.

Anders sucked more of Fenris’ dick in his mouth, moaning himself at the feeling of holding Fenris in his mouth.

“Fasta Vaas, Anders that feels so good!” Fenris moaned, unable to restrain himself from thrusting ever so slightly into the mages mouth, “I, I won’t last long.”

Anders locks eyes with Fenris and swallows the elf’s dick down his throat and hums. Fenris, despite his efforts to pull out beforehand, came down Anders’ throat with a guttural groan and an utterance of the mage’s name.

Anders pulled his mouth off Fenris’ cock slowly, looking up at the elf with a cocky smile on his face. Fenris unable to form words properly, pulls Anders onto his lap and hugs the mage to his chest.

For a few moments, they sat in silence while Fenris recovered his cognitive functions. His hands slid down to Anders’ hips and pulls the mage’s pelvis closer, putting pressure on Anders’ hard cock causing him to moan loudly.

“Would you like me to return the favor Anders?” Fenris asked.

“Only if you’re comfortable doing so.” Anders replied softly.

Instead of replying, Fenris simply stood up with the mage held in his arms and set Anders down on the chaise. His eyes never leaving the mage’s, he sunk to his knees and situated himself between Anders’ spread legs. Anders’ breath hitched when Fenris opened his robe and pulled down his small clothes.

He hesitated upon seeing Anders’ dick in all its naked glory.

Anders frowned, but before he could ask what the problem was, Fenris asked him quickly, “Could you talk throughout so don’t forget it’s you I’m with?”

“You don’t have to do this if you aren’t comfortable doing so, Fenris.” Anders said with a pained expression.

“I want to do this for you.” Fenris said with determination, “I’ve never wanted to before, but I want to make you feel as good as you made me feel. Just talk to me and don’t grab my head.”

Anders opened his mouth to respond only to gasp as Fenris took him in his mouth. “Maker Fenris, please!”

Fenris licked up and down the mage’s shaft before taking him back into his mouth and moaning, all while Anders kept up a chorus of “Yes! Please! Fenris! Maker!”. Before long, Anders grabbed Fenris’ hand and exclaimed that he was about to come before releasing into the elf’s mouth.

Fenris carefully tucked the mage back into his small clothes and sat down on the chaise next to him.

“Maker, Fenris.” Anders signed, leaning heavily on the elf.

Fenris chuckled and pulled the mage onto his lap, winding his arms around the man’s waist and holding him close.

The two men probably would have fallen asleep in that position if the kitten did start chasing something around the room loudly.

Anders laughed, saying “I think it’s dinner time for her.”

Fenris gently moved a stray lock of hair out of Anders’ face and tucked it behind the man’s ear before grinning mischievously and standing up while still holding Anders to his chest. The mage shrieked and laughed, wrapping his legs around Fenris’ waist and his arms around Fenris’ neck.

“Does this mean I have to carry you to the kitchen?” Fenris asked as he started walking toward the door.

“Obviously.” Anders replied with a giggle, “And grab the kitty too.”

Fenris just kept walking toward the kitchen, replying “My hands are a bit preoccupied right now.”

Anders laughed and tightened his grip on the elf, saying nothing more as Fenris carried him through the main room and into the kitchen before setting him down in front of their pantry.

“I’ll get our dinner together while you get the cat’s food around.” Fenris said, opening the drawer chilled with runes Anders insisted on getting a few weeks after moving in.

“Could you get out that bit of chicken that’s left for her?” Anders asked, peeking over Fenris’ shoulder at the contents of the drawer.

Fenris wordlessly passed Anders the meat and heard the mage scurry from the room to get the kitten. Deciding on a simple meal of stew leftover from last night and bread, Fenris picks up the pot containing leftover stew and brought it out to the main room to heat over the fire.

Anders was already sitting before the fire watching the kitten gobble up her chicken with a soft smile on his face. Once Fenris affixed the pot to the rack that hung it over the fire, he sits down next to Anders and pulls the mage back onto his lap.

In the silence, Fenris can’t stop thinking about what the mage said earlier: I love you and I’m not going anywhere.

“I don’t know what love is supposed to feel like, Anders.” Fenris said softly, pulling back to look into the mage’s eyes, “But I think ‘love’ is the best word to describe how I feel about you.”

Anders’ eyes watered, and he leaned forward to kiss Fenris sweetly.

The elf returned the kiss passionately, then pulled away to murmur “I love you” between chaste kisses to the mage’s face.

Anders giggled, but murmured back, “I love you too you silly elf.”

The pair was so wrapped up in each other, their stew nearly burned.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next installment of this series. I'm trying to finish rewriting what I had already finished (and lost) quickly so I can start on some new ideas I've had for this story.

“Do you think Aveline would mind if I named the kitten Aveline?” Anders asked, watching the little cat lick his stew bowl.

“Let me guess, is it because it has orange hair?” Fenris replied through a mouthful of only slightly burnt stew.

Anders grinned, turning toward the elf to his left and saying, “That, and she is a tough little thing to survive on her own in Lowtown. She even has some scars that most likely came from fighting and she can’t be more than three months old!”

Fenris chuckled, placing his bowl on the low table in front of them and pulling Anders so the mage practically laid on top of him, saying “I’m sure she’ll be touched if you tell her that line of reasoning.”

Anders melted into the embrace and presses his face into the crook of Fenris’ neck. He let out an embarrassingly loud moan when Fenris pulled his hair free from its tie and began stroking the golden locks. Fenris made no comment beside letting out a deep chuckle that Anders felt in his chest. 

The pair lay there on the lounge bench in silence until, long after the fire had been reduced to smoldering ash and the occasional coal, Fenris asked “Can I persuade you to take a day off with me tomorrow?”

“I—” Anders started before he stopped himself from insisting he couldn’t take the day off. Truthfully, the clinic was the quietest it had been in weeks and for once there was no serious illness spreading around the Darktown population currently. 

“Actually,” Anders decided, pulling away so he could meet Fenris’ eyes, “I think I could be persuaded to take the day off tomorrow. Did you have something in mind?”

Fenris smiled widely and leaned forward to capture the mage’s lips in a kiss. Anders moaned and deepened the kiss, granting Fenris full access to his mouth. The pair moaned and, in their enthusiasm, nearly fell off the lounge bench trying to get their arms around one another.

“Would you like to hear my proposition?” Fenris asked, pulling away.

“Yes.” Anders replied, smiling and sitting up so they weren’t in such a precarious position.

“Hawke has business at the Wounded Coast tomorrow, and I thought this would be a good opportunity to have a picnic and a stroll without worrying too much about being ambushed.” Fenris said, sounding less confident in his proposition than he acted.

“So we’re going to have a romantic picnic at the Wounded Coast?” Anders laughed, hastily continuing when he saw the look of hurt on Fenris’ face, “I think it sounds like a good idea, don’t mistake me. I just had to laugh because how many people decide on the Wounded Coast as their picnic spot?”

Fenris chuckled, relenting, “Most couples are far less capable of handling the threats found there. And most couples aren’t friends with the Champion of Kirkwall.”

“Mmmmmm,” Anders hummed, looking into Fenris’ eyes, “Is that what we are? A couple?”

Fenris could feel the blush rise to his cheeks as he looked down and away from the mage sitting beforehand. Truthfully, Fenris can’t remember exactly when he stopped thinking of Anders as a new friend and started thinking of the mage as his partner. The change in thinking did not happen recently, though. 

“I—If that’s what you would like.” Fenris managed to stammer out, cautiously looking up to meet the mage’s eyes once again.

He was struck by the emotion he saw in those light brown, watery eyes. Anders merely nodded, looking overwhelmed by feeling.

“I never would have guess this would be our future when I first met you,” Fenris said, pushing a stray lock of hair behind his mage’s ear and letting his hand rest on Anders’ face, “but I am so grateful I got you know you as more than just a mage.”

Anders smiled and shakily said, “Me too.”

Fenris’ eyebrows knit together in concern, and he asked, “What’s wrong?”

Anders laughed and answered, “Nothing’s wrong. My stupid brain is just telling me that there’s no way this can last.”

Fenris tries not to be hurt by Anders’ statement, instead asking gently, “Why can’t this last?”

Anders just shook his head and looked away from the elf

“I won’t let the Templars take you.” Fenris said firmly, worried this is what the mage fears, “We’ll leave Kirkwall if we have to, but I will not let them hurt you!”

Anders smiled slightly, eyes darting back up to meet Fenris’. He let out a watery sigh and said, “I just have this little voice in my head telling me there’s no way anyone, especially someone like you, would  
be able to put up with me for too long.”

“Someone like me?” Fenris asked, unintentionally allowing some of his concern and hurt feelings to seep into his tone, “What exactly does that mean, Anders?”

“Nothing bad!” Anders quickly explained, “I just meant someone who could be anywhere else with anyone else doing anything else!”

Fenris let out a sad sigh and pulled the mage into a tight hug before saying, “If I ever decide to go somewhere else or do something else, it will be with you. I care for you deeply and I’ve found for whatever reason that I cannot stand the thought of existing without your beautiful, infuriating presence.”

Anders was crying openly by the time Fenris was done speaking. Fenris simply held the mage, rubbing his back and speaking soft words of affirmation while he cried. Even the kitten Aveline was concerned, jumping up on the table in front of the lounge bench and staring at Anders.

When the mage’s crying had subsided to nothing more than the occasional sniffle, Fenris spoke again and asked carefully, “Do you truly feel so little of me and of yourself that you think I will abandon you?”

“It’s not that I actually believe you would.” Anders answered, wiping his eyes on his sleeve, “Not anymore, at least. I just don’t think I could go back to being alone again.”

Fenris took a deep breath before admitting, “I am also scared of being forced to go back to being alone. I loved it before you made me realize how incredibly lonely I was, but now. . . “

The elf trailed off, tightening his arms around Anders. They sit in silence for a while, neither able to think of what else to say until Anders started yawning. 

“How about we head to bed?” Fenris asked after Anders’ fifth yawn.

“Bed sounds good.” Anders said without moving.

Fenris rolled his eyes and, adjusting his grip on the mage, stood up with Anders in his arms. This made Anders laugh loudly, scaring poor little Aveline who was chasing an insect in the corner.

“I never would have suspected I have a kink for being carried by handsome elves.” Anders laughed, wiggling his ever-hardening cock against Fenris’ torso.

Fenris laughed along with Anders, rushing up the stairs and dropping the giggling mage onto their bed. Anders looked up him and stopped giggling, mirth slowly leaving his face.

Fenris sat down next to him carefully, and asked “What’s wrong?”

Anders inhaled sharply, leaning over so his head rested against Fenris’ chest. The elf was bewildered by this behavior but didn’t say anything and instead simply wrapped his arms around Anders and held the mage.

It took a few minutes for Anders to speak and when he did, Fenris could hardly hear him.

“I thought about you having sex with me” Anders mumbled into Fenris’ chest, “And it both aroused and scared me.”

Fenris held Anders tighter, gently kissing his head and smiling. It pained him that the mage still felt fear around the idea of sex but considering that he still felt fear when considering being intimate with someone, he’s just happy that Anders thinks about him in that way at all.

“You don’t have to push yourself to be ready for that, Anders.” Fenris said after a few moments of silence, “I’m not sure if I’m ready for that, either.”

Anders pulled back enough to look into Fenris’ eyes, looking concerned. 

Fenris decided to clarify, “I don’t think I will ever not fear being taken.”

Anders wrapped his arms around Fenris’ torso and held him in a tight hug, saying, “For whatever reason, I still prefer to get fucked as opposed to being the one doing the fucking.”

Fenris let out the breath he was holding, but still looked troubled as he said, “I also am afraid of hurting you. I’ve never had—ah--- consensual relations so I’m unsure what that would entail.”

Anders looked like it pained him to think of Fenris lacking in such an experience. He leaned up and kissed Fenris on the cheek, saying “I know you won’t hurt me, Fenris. That’s not what scares me.”

Anders paused as if taking a moment to collect his thoughts before continuing, “I’m scared I won’t be able to enjoy something I want because of what those Templars did to me.”

Fenris hesitated for a moment before asking shyly, “I have an idea that might help alleviate both our fears.”

“Oh?” Anders raised his eyebrows, smiling, “And what might that be?”

“Well,” Fenris said, a little nervous, “how about a bath? Together?”

Anders grinned and pulled Fenris’ face to his and kissed him passionately. 

“I never would have taken you for the romantic type.” Anders said once he pulled away.

Fenris laughed and prompted Anders to stand up with him, before saying “I blame you entirely.”

“I know you said that lightly,” Anders said as they walked toward the bathroom, “but all of our friends have mentioned to me that you seem happier since I moved in.”

“Am I so obvious that even Hawke noticed?” Fenris asked in jest.

“I think Isabel told him.” Anders said, laughing, “She would find his reaction hilarious.”

Having reached the bathroom, Anders darted right to the bathtub and turned on the water.

“Do you mind staying up here while I get some wine from the cellar?” Fenris asked

“Do we still have a bottle of that cherry mead?” Anders asked in answer to Fenris’ question.

The elf chuckled, saying “I believe so” as he left the room.

He took the stairs to the main room quickly, looking around the room to see if he could locate the kitten and seeing her chasing what looked like a rat around the boarder of the room. He shook his head, smiling fondly at the little creature before tearing his eyes away from the adorable spectacle to complete his task.

He was thankful to find three bottles remaining of Anders’ current favorite drink. Varric had taken to buying wine he knows Anders and Fenris would like and pretending his supplier sent it to him by mistake when he gifts the bottles to the pair. Fenris is aware of what Varric is doing and even tried to pay for the bottles his friend gave him, but Varric would not accept any coin. 

The only explanation Varric would give him is “Just shut up and accept a gift from a friend.”

Fenris decided not to bring up goblets, thinking that drinking straight from the bottles would be easier in a bath.

By the time he returned to the bathroom with the wine bottle, the bath tub had filled, Anders had heated the water, and the mage was standing next to the tub, his hands playing with his sash. Fenris has no idea how he ever survived without hot water. 

Fenris set the bottle on the stool that stood next to the tub and, before he could get nervous, undressed quickly. Once he was naked, he met Anders’ eyes and was taken aback by the heat of the mage’s lustful stare. 

He stepped into the tub as sat down, asking Anders, “Would you like to join me?”

Anders seemed to snap out of a trance, hastily disrobing and joining Fenris in the tub. The mage smiled shyly and asked, “Do you, do you mind if I sit over there by you?”

Fenris nodded, holding his arms open in invitation. Anders moved so his naked back from pressed against Fenris’, sighing contentedly and laying his head on Fenris’ shoulder.

Fenris wrapped his arms around the mage and held him close, one hand resting on Anders’ stomach and rubbing small circles into his skin.

“Thank you for suggesting this.” Anders said after minutes of silence, “I like feeling your skin against mine.”

Fenris grunted in agreement, tightening his hold on the mage and closing his eyes to immerse himself in the experience. He kissed the mages’ ear and down to his neck, loving the little moans Anders let out.

The elf smiled against the mage’s neck, letting his tongue dart out to lick the sensitive skin, causing Anders to moan loudly and jerk his hips back against Fenris’. Anders froze for a moment when he felt  
Fenris’ hard cock against his ass before pressing back harder and letting out a high-pitched whine.

Fenris gasped, his hands flying to the mage’s hips without a conscious thought and grinding Anders down onto his hard cock. Anders whined again, this time turning around to face Fenris.

Fenris worried he went too far and scared the mage until Anders captured his lips in a forceful and heated kiss while thrust his hips against the elf’s.

“Anders!” Fenris gasped, moving his hands back to the mages hips and pulling the man’s hips so they were flush against his.

“T-t-touch me, please Fenris!” Anders, pressing his face into the elf’s neck and moaning loudly when Fenris complied.

The elf moved back just far enough to fit a hand between them to touch the mage’s hard cock.

Anders jerked his hips forward when Fenris began stroking his shaft. He moaned and wiggled on the elf’s lap. His wiggling jostled Fenris’ dick so it was now thrusting between the mage’s ass cheeks.  
Unexpectedly, this only made Anders moan harder. Fenris groaned, loving the lewd sounds escaping the mages throat and the feeling of the mage’s skin on his. Not entirely thinking about the consequences of his actions, Fenris moved his hands to the mage’s ass cheeks and squeezed, too overwhelmed by the moment to think clearly. 

Thankfully, Anders only moaned and begged, “Please Fenris!”

“What would you like me to do?” Fenris asked, slowly thrusting his hips so his dick slid between Anders’ cheeks.

Anders blinked for a moment, nearly too far gone for words. “I, I really want you to fuck me, but I don’t think I could handle that. Can you put your fingers inside me? Please?”

Fenris responded by bringing his right hand to his mouth and covering his fingers in saliva. He knows water is not a great lubricant, and while the saliva will most likely wash off before it reaches Anders, Fenris felt it was better to be cautious.

Before dipping his hand back under the water to fulfill Anders’ request, Fenris locked eyes with the mage and said in a serious tone, “Please tell me the second you feel uncomfortable Anders. We don’t have to do this right now.”

“Please Fenris!” Anders whines when the elf doesn’t move. 

Cautiously, Fenris moves his hand back to rest between Anders’ cheeks. The mage moans loudly when Fenris moves so two fingers rest against the man’s hole. Tilting his head to capture the mage’s lips in a passionate kiss, Fenris pushes one finger against Anders’ hole, massaging his entrance and forcing loud moans out of Anders.

“F—Fen please!” Anders moans out, his body feeling practically boneless against Fenris’.

Fenris pulled back so he could look into Anders’ eyes as he slowly and carefully inserted about half of his finger into the mage.

Anders moaned loudly and pushed back on the finger, murmuring something that might have been the word “please” over and over. This reaction gave Fenris more confidence and he kissed his mage thoroughly while thrusting the finger in and out. 

“Oh Maker!” Anders shouted after a few minutes of Fenris exploring his ass with his finger.

Fenris froze and quickly asked, “Are you ok?”

“Yes!” The mage moaned, “Touch that spot again!”

Fenris was confused, but did as the mage asked and tried to replicate the angle he thrust his finger in. He assumed he was successful when Anders shouted “Yes!” again and came all over Fenris’ stomach and in the water.

Fenris slowly pulled his finger out and examined Anders’ face for any sign of distress. He didn’t find any. Instead, the mage stared at him with unfocused eyes and an adorable smile plastered on his face.

Unsure of what to say after a few moments of silence, Fenris asked “How do you feel?”

Anders laughed and leaned down to kiss the elf in front of him, wrapping his arms around Fenris’ neck.

“Amazing.” Anders said, pulling away to meet Fenris’ eyes, “Though I think you’re going to have to carry me to bed. I’m far too relaxed to move.”

Fenris rolled his eyes but tightened his grip and the mage and stood up.

“Think you can manage to stand long enough to dry off?” He asked, chuckling.

Anders sighed, “If I must.”

Fenris just shook his head and set the mage down before tossing him a towel. 

“Is it alright for the cat to roam the house while we sleep?” Fenris asked

“She’ll be fine.” Anders replied, smiling at Fenris for inquiring about the cat’s wellbeing, “She’s not so little that I would worry about her hurting herself. She survived in Lowtown for Maker knows how long, after all.”

The pair moved to their bedroom, leaving the door cracked open for the kitten in case she decided to join them.

When Fenris moved toward the wardrobe to get out their sleep shirts, Anders hesitantly asked, “Do you think we could sleep like this?”

Fenris was surprised for a moment at the request before smiling and changing direction to move toward the bed, naked as his love.

He laid down in bed and held his arms open for Anders as usual, but Anders didn’t move to join him.

Before Fenris could open his mouth to ask, though, the mage blurted out, “You didn’t get to cum.”

Fenris blinked, internally hoping the mage would offer to help him while also feeling ashamed of that hope.

As if Fenris were broadcasting his thoughts to the mage, Anders smiled lovingly at him and asked, “Could you lay on your back?”

Fenris hastened to comply, pushing the blankets aside so he was bare in front of the mage. Just as Fenris hoped, Anders crawled up the bed to kneel over his legs before slowly dipping his head down to  
the elf’s crotch.

Both Anders and Fenris moaned when Anders took him into his mouth. Fenris did not last long after seeing the mage come undone on his lap because of a finger in his ass. He moaned loudly and thrust up into the mage’s mouth. 

“Anders!” Fenris moans over and over while said mage enthusiastically bobs up and down his dick.

“I—Anders I’m going to. . .” Fenris said before trailing off and ejaculating into the mage’s mouth.

Anders pulled off his cock with a loud slurp, meeting Fenris’ eyes and grinning cheekily at him. Fenris chuckled and pulled Anders down onto the bed with him, holding the mage close and sighing.  
Anders pulled the blankets over them and snuggled into Fenris’ warm embrace. 

“Goodnight, love” the mage murmured into Fenris’ chest.

“Sleep well my love” Fenris whispered back, tightening his hold on the mage who held his heart.


End file.
